JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XX: The Power of Pause

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

Life is hectic. It is full. Something is going on, all the time (well, almost all the time). Think about your life. Aren’t there times you just want to scream? “Stop, no more. I’ve had enough!”

• Work. Work. Work. All I do is work. I need a break.


• No more rain. Enough already! Stop! It’s time for a break.


• All you do is chatter. Please take a break and be silent.


• Traffic, cleaning up, filing, shopping, return calls, appointments, dance lessons, lessons of every other sort, etc. etc. etc. They say, “Life’s a b - - ch!”

STOP!! Yes, this “stuff” surrounds us everyday. We are bombarded with never ending activity. And if there is no break, we break... or, become less effective. We need time to reflect, to change the pace, to intervene, to be silent; inside and out, even just for a moment... to become re-invigorated. And so, the lesson extends to each of us, you and me, and all the rest. We must learn to pause, for the sake of all.When dealing with first impressions we have to reflect on the fact, and as if the activity were not enough, we have those verbose speakers who do not know when to stop. We need to let them know about the pause, the silence between the words to reinforce

an early connectedness. They must master the art of silence so they may understand their power, the power in the pause, when used to its best effect.

Strategically planned, it is the appropriate gap before or after an emotion, punctuation, change of subject, emphasis. Its power can be eloquent... and it can be devastatingly awkward if it is not in sync with the intention. Effective use of the pause generally means ‘less is more’, especially when more is too much.

If you are going to use the pause as a powerful strategic element, you will find these 6 tips to be most useful.

1. PAUSE TO BREATHE
Before you even start to speak, pause and take a deep breath. This will give you a lower and calmer voice. If you do not pause (and continue breathing deeply) while you are speaking, air will be blocked from flowing back in and your voice will become thin, high pitched and quite unpleasant. (Test it. Take a deep breath. Speak until you run out of air and force yourself to say a few more words. Do this right now. See how it changes the quality of your voice, not to mention the discomfort it can cause?)

And, if you do not pause to breathe, you will cause your listeners to feel you are rushing to get through, or that your words have no real importance and you have succumbed to chatter.

2. PAUSE FOR EMPHASIS AND/OR ATTENTION.
Use pauses either before or after, or both before and after important words, points, thoughts or concepts. Use an extended pause to emphasize or dramatize your main point or to convey the enormity of a powerful thought or statement. This tells your audience you are going to say something significant and they should listen. By pausing again, after your words, you allow the silence to underline what you have just said.

3. PAUSE FOR THOSE WHO ARE LISTENING.
Listeners need a few moments to absorb and contemplate what is being said. Give them time to catch up. If they become distracted with run on thoughts and sentences, they may tune out and never catch up. They really do need time to think in order to understand what comes next.

4. NON-WORDS AND FILLERS
Non-words (“Uh" and "um" ) and other fillers (“like”, “uh”, “you know”, “um”) dilute your phrases and sentences, weaken your communication and therefore your delivery. They make you appear tentative, insecure, and lacking in authority and confidence. STOP.

Become silent... for silence is your friend. Even the norm for this pause, which may be 2 or 3 seconds, may feel like an eternity... especially when under pressure. It is not too long! Time yourself and you will see. Rather than having people count the “um’s” you utter (admit it, you have done this more than once, right?), pause and think about what you really want to say and then say it with conviction.

5. USE TO ALLOW THE LISTENER ENTRY
When you ramble on and on, you are effectively saying to the listener, “You are unimportant, this conversation is all about me.” Ugh; no way to build a relationship or even to create a good first impression.

6.USE THE PAUSE SPARINGLY
Use the pause for effect, when appropriate and necessary. Don’t overwork it. If you use it and it becomes a pattern, the listener will become bored. The pause is most effective when it is unexpected. Be strategic. Use it for emphasis.

Master the art of silence and you will understand your power . . . and the power in the pause.

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.






Published by THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter. All rights reserved. Subscribe Free For Your TNNW Newsletter and THE BLUE MONDAY REPORT! - Click HERE.
The National Networker Companies
Forward/Share This Article With Colleagues And Social Media:

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XX: The Power of Pause

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XVIII: The Quality of Vocal Variety, Part 1

Jetnetting with Heshie Segal

Never underestimate the power of the voice. In every communication, the voice, with its vocal elements, pauses and breathing, has the ability to make a powerful first and lasting impression.

Statistics prove that delivery (including voice and body language) carries a far greater wallop than content.

Well-known communication researcher Albert Mehrabian has shown in his studies that 38% of a

speaker’s credibility comes from the voice - that is, sounds, tones and pitch - while only 7% of the impact

comes from what the person actually says. Because your voice is a major factor in how people respond to

you, be aware of how you use it.

Your voice can communicate your sense of confidence, competence, attitude and professionalism. It conveys meaning and gives the listener information about you.

• A tentative voice might betray a lack of confidence.
• A loud, high-pitched, rapid pace signals stress.
• A loud, sharp sound results from an unwillingness to hear someone else's view.
• Prolonged silence (lack of voice) can indicate disagreement, creating tension; or indecision, potentially leading to distrust.
• Lack of confidence, self-esteem, uncertainty, passiveness and dishonesty is generally accompanied by a soft voice.
• Someone who is boastful, aggressive, or angry may speak in a voice that is simultaneously loud and rapid, or chillingly measured and controlled.
• A speaker may be unaware that his or her voice is whiney, nasal, high pitched or strident. These qualities will have a considerable impact on the “receiver’s” perception of the speaker and may detract from the message or presentation.
• If the accent or emphasis on certain words, and the tone of voice are inconsistent, it may influence what the listener understands. Consistent inconsistency also leads to mistrust.

Fortunately, there ARE things you can do to assure your voice is conveying the perception you want people to have of you. Practice speaking to develop relaxed breathing and varied vocal elements. You can do this by reading aloud from a magazine, book, or newspaper on a regular basis; say 10 to 15 minutes a day. Because the major resonance in your speaking voice comes from your head, mouth and chest, experiment speaking alternately from each area, to project a full vocal range.

Women generally speak with less chest resonance than men and therefore may come across with ‘thinner’ voices. For most people, creating the desired modulation and effect does take work, and it is well worth the effort. Resonant voices appear to be more powerful, believable and pleasing to the ear.

Are you ready for a deeper, more resonant voice? Then, be aware of the physical aspects of speaking, breathing in particular. 1). Relax your body and your breathing to get air flowing smoothly from your lungs. 2). Practice speaking by breathing from your stomach, not your throat. It gives your voice a fuller sound. Note: Good breathing gives you a more resonant voice while throat breathing produces thin voice quality. 3). Get used to breathing in and out of your mouth to keep your throat open.

For maximum effectiveness, and to make your voice more expressive, learn to vary the vocal elements (known as vocal variety) of your voice: pitch, tone, volume, inflection, rhythm, pace, pronunciation and articulation. If you put meaning and expression into your words, it will further help you vary the vocal elements. For example, if you say: “joy” then sound happy; for “sadness”, let them hear the low pitched voice with slow delivery, “power” will be accompanied by strong tonality, “energy” will have a faster, generally higher pitch.

It is critically important to vary your tone, speed, volume and pitch for emphasis. If you are addressing a large audience, change your pitch, volume and speed at least once during a “paragraph”. If you are speaking one-on-one or within a small group, you will still need variation, just toned down a bit.

Some concluding remarks: There are three scenarios to heed:

1). Low pitch, low volume and speaking too slowly generally produce boredom.

2). High pitch and a fast pace can either indicate high energy and excitement, or it can also be perceived as

a state of nervousness.

3). A monotone is boring and a turn off. Too much of one thing does not provide what might be called

arousal power, because it all sounds the same.

In The Quality of Vocal Variety/Part II, I will go into more depth so you will have the optimal advantage in using your voice when making a first impression.


For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

Published by THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter. All rights reserved. Subscribe Free For Your TNNW Newsletter and THE BLUE MONDAY REPORT! - Click HERE.
The National Networker Companies
Forward/Share This Article With Colleagues And Social Media:

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XVIII: The Quality of Vocal Variety, Part 1

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XVI - Use Your POSTURE

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

Do you remember when your mother told you to stand up straight? OK, if you really slouched, it may also have been a litany of others. If they nagged . . . and you rebelled. . . by this time, you are either hunched over or you have severe neck and back pains. If you don’t respect yourself enough to stand proud, how can you expect others to respect you? This is no laughing matter – it concerns your health and/or your business.

When you meet someone for the first time, how you stand, sit, walk, carry your body or hold your head, determines the first impression you make. Think about it. YOU meet someone for the first time, especially in business, and that person holds his or her head down with shoulders drooped or is slouched over a chair . . . you get the picture; what do you think of that person? Are you ready to do business? Chances are the answer is “no”.

You want and need that first impression to be positive; the potential of doing business depends on it! Stop slouching, hold your head up high (although not so high as to have you appear superior), walk (or sit) with confidence and ease. People are open to doing business with those who posture themselves with confidence . . . physically and emotionally. Knowing, liking and trusting then has a chance to develop.

What does my posture say about me?

Posture may vary with the time, circumstance and size of a group and, in nearly all cases, posture is an indication of how you perceive yourself.

When you stand up straight with shoulders back, head held high, and walk with ease, you:

• Are seen as successful and confident, with high self-esteem.

• Will be taken for a person with poise and good upbringing.
  

• Will be respected.

• Show you have power, energy and stature.

• Are seen as someone who can easily deal with whatever occurs.

• Exhibit a general state of well-being.

When you slouch with your shoulders stooped or drooping, your chin and head slanting downward, you appear to:

• Have low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. (The exception to this would be someone who has a physical challenge.)

• Lack power, in a state of defeat, sadness.
  

• Be insecure, ill at ease.

• Lack energy, tired or depressed.

• Let everything get to you.

• Be depressed

A constantly lowered head indicates submission, shame, sorrow, bashfulness and low energy.

A jaw tucked into the neck shows a lack of confidence and the appearance of not being able to speak for oneself or a possible constant state of sadness.

When the neck protrudes on a regular basis, it can either project obstinacy or determination or even anxiety, a fear of being attacked, physically or emotionally (anxiety is a fear of what might occur).

Good posture is not about standing at attention or having a rigid upper body – the latter projects arrogance or inflexibility. Stand tall, not stiff and be tall without stretching.

Good posture is about carrying yourself so you are perceived as confident; that you radiate energy, drawing others to you. In general, good posture can be achieved in the following manner:

Sit straight, (imagine that a string is holding your head up high) chin high, shoulders back and down, both feet on the floor, lean in slightly, don’t slouch or have your hands clasped behind your head.

When standing, have both feet evenly on the ground and hands at your side rather than on your hips. The latter stances may appear to show arrogance or superiority and even disapproval and crossing you feet or legs makes you look unbalanced and timid.

What does my “walk” or “gait” tell people about who I am?

When you walk, no matter where it is, walk with intent and authority. With every step, your body portrays your attitude. What you may not realize is that an outsider will sense your mood, emotions and attitude because the body projects this as an unconscious indicator. Because of this, it is extremely important for you to be cognizant of how you move. When you get up from your seat, do it deliberately and walk in the same manner . . . always with confidence and with purpose.

Does the pace of my walk count? Yes, definitely. People who are happy often walk with a quick, light step. These fast-paced people are seen as energized, flexible, ready to get to the next place to achieve their objectives. Fast-paced people are seen as getting more done in a relatively short period of time. People who walk slowly and take in the sights are generally seen as more laid back, less likely to act quickly and decisively. A strong correlation exists between mood and pace. Unhappy, depressed, dejected people seem to walk more slowly. They often walk with drooped shoulders and eyes looking downward. Even though their eyes are down, they frequently don’t "see" where they are going, they walk with hands in their pockets, drag their feet, and do not pay attention to their surroundings. People may also walk slowly because they are pre-occupied. They walk with head down, hands behind the back, just trying to reach a well-thought out decision.

Let your posture be your friend. Your body will thank you when your posture works for you and your business will thank you because of the impression you are making.

Posture is more than how you hold your head and body, or your gait and how quickly or slowly you walk. It extends to what you communicate in the act of moving, your arms or legs, upright or slouched, eyes and chin up or down . . . in general, how you ‘posture’ yourself. You will learn more about this in the next article.

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

Published by THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter. All rights reserved. Subscribe Free - Click HERE.
The National Networker Companies
Forward/Share This Article With Colleagues And Social Media:

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XVI - Use Your POSTURE

JETNETTING: THE FIRST IMPRESSION FACTOR: XV - Your Handshake Matters

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

VALUE the power of the handshake; for, in that first instant, you will be judged.

A handshake is the first and only physical touch that is welcomed in business in the U.S. In a matter of seconds, your handshake will signal friendliness, hospitality, openness, confidence and respect, as well as contempt, ridicule, competitiveness and control. It is used to open and close business deals, make an introduction, welcome or greet someone, extend an invitation into someone's personal space as well as be the sign of departure.

A word of caution: any manner of shaking hands will be considered insincere if there is no eye contact. A strong grip can be painful and inappropriate for someone who has arthritis or any other debilitating condition. The same is true for the elderly or frail. The artist, musician, surgeon or any other person whose hands are used to create a livelihood should be placed in a similar category. A strong person should ensure the strength of their handshake is not overwhelming. Concomitantly, a weak handshake immediately raises questions related to the individual’s character.

Before judging someone based solely upon his or her handshake, consider the following:

Does your handshake have an attitude?

In Need of Life Support

A limp, wet noodle handshake usually indicates nervousness, a lack of confidence, disrespect or uncertainty.

The Aristocrat

A person who feels superior will likely grab your hand and attempt to turn it so that their palm is on top of yours. Offering your hand with your palm up suggests you are willing to assume a subordinate role.

Clash of the Sexes

When a man offers a woman a weak handshake, it may signify disrespect or superiority, a lack of confidence, not wanting to injure her or a cultural difference demonstrating respect by being gentle. A woman should initiate her own firm handshake, regardless of the man’s approach. When a woman offers another woman a weak handshake, it is usually a sign of low self-esteem.

The Crusher

A crushing handshake may indicate someone who is controlling or uncaring and conveys a message that the person is domineering, forceful and feels superior. A strong person should ensure that the strength of their handshake is not overwhelming. There is also the potential that someone is so strong or friendly they simply do not realize the strength of their handshake.

The Politician

The handshake that suggests familiarity is commonly referred to as the politician's handshake. A person who is trying to "win your favor or vote" will grasp the right hand of the other person and then cup the clasped hands with their own left hand. This person is anxious to have a familiar relationship without any basis and is often perceived as phony. This particular handshake is only acceptable (at least in the United States) for people who already know one another. There is a risk of offending the other individual by being overly personal before it is appropriate.

Handshake Know-How

1. Clean, dry hands are key. If you have eaten or your palms are sweaty, wash and dry them completely. Since most people are right handed, hold a drink in your left hand so you do not extend a wet, cold hand, or find yourself needing to wipe your hand on your clothes.

2. A smile and eye contact are two necessary companions to the handshake. A smile indicates friendliness and direct eye contact suggests a genuine desire to meet someone.

3. If you are uncertain whether a man or woman should extend a hand first, social etiquette dictates, especially from past norms, the woman initiates the handshake. Someone disabled or otherwise challenged should initiate the handshake to indicate what is acceptable for his or her particular disability.

4. Offer your hand from about three feet away, at a ninety-degree angle to the floor for no more than three to four seconds. The hand should be engaged, web-to-web (the V-area between the thumb and forefinger).

5. The Potent Power Gripper handshake furthermore engages the entire hand, mirroring and matching the other person’s grip, thus creating instant rapport.

6. A negative message is sent when using a two-handed shake (especially during a first time meeting), fingers only, iron man and/or limp, wet noodle handshakes.

A proper handshake, as perceived by the recipient, can make someone more willing to listen and pay attention to you. If you are uncertain what your handshake says about you, ask for feedback, then practice your technique while being conscious of the message you want to convey. The more conscious you are of your handshake, the more you will realize it is more than just a handshake….more than just a socially expected or dictated gesture. It is a transference of you are.

In the next article, Posture and, especially the story it conveys, will be highlighted.

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

Published by THE NATIONAL NETWORKER Newsletter. All rights reserved. Subscribe Free - Click HERE.
The National Networker Companies
Forward/Share This Article With Colleagues And Social Media:

JETNETTING: THE FIRST IMPRESSION FACTOR: XV - Your Handshake Matters

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XIII Gestures Part 1

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

First impressions are crucial. When the words you utter are not congruent with your gestures (or for that fact, your body language in general), the latter will negate what you are saying and you will appear untrustworthy. Once you understand the importance of trust, and how business can be created or lost in the first impression, you will want to possess every tool available to make sure you are on target. Your awareness of how you appear to others, what you have to do to gain trust, and having the ability to interpret the language of gestures, gives you a decided advantage.

Every thought is manifested by a physical reaction in the body, generally expressed in some form of gesture. We define a gesture as an act or movement of the body that reflects, expresses or emphasizes an idea, sentiment or attitude. Gestures help capture a listener’s attention, make conversation more interesting and facilitate comprehension when used for emphasis and/or for the clarification of points.

When gestures are congruent with the words that accompany them, they are recognized as sincere and are hence convincing. Ideally, every movement you make is deliberate, thoughtful and reinforces the message you are conveying.

I am frequently addressed by a statement and a question: I get the importance about congruence. What are the do’s and don’ts related to gestures?

… Gestures should not be overdone; not too extreme, and not so small that they are unnoticeable. They must be suited to the audience. For example, slower paced or methodical people and/or seniors often feel threatened by exaggerated gestures; on the other hand, emotionally responsive people and especially children, get excited by exaggeration.

… Gestures should be seen as part of the spoken word, not as a separate entity; in other words,

there should be congruence in word, content and action. When gesturing is an integral

part of the spoken word, it will indeed not be noticed as a separate entity; in fact, it might not even be noticed in a conscious sense and, definitely not missed and responded to by the sub-conscious. There is freedom in this congruency and together they provide the solid credibility most of us seek.

… When evaluating the meaning of a gesture, avoid attaching significance to a single movement, because it could simply reflect one specific habit or compulsive behaviour pattern.

… Like words, gestures do not stand alone. While you may learn that specific gestures are "supposed" to mean “this or that”, when interpreting them, they need to be assessed in the context of a situation since the same gestures take on many meanings. Enter the gesture cluster.

… Gesture clusters are combinations of non-verbal communication that provide a more meaningful interpretation when observed in a continuum of actions. They are modified by differing temperaments, personalities and/or attitudes. Consider this: Someone says he is open to listening, yet sits with folded arms, crossed legs, and uses a pointed finger; this is both incongruent and suspicious. Interestingly, I’m sure some of you have already recognized that gesture-clusters can communicate on their own, without even a single word being uttered.

… Understanding the true meaning of gestures is subject to time, place, context of the conversation and circumstance. To complicate the issue even more, they are further affected by cultures and countries.

1. Nodding can mean interest or approval, and even disapproval in some cultures.

2. A kiss is a gesture of affection in the West. In much of Eastern Asia a kiss is not appropriate outside the bedroom. In Kuwait, you will be in trouble if you kiss someone of the opposite sex in public
3. How you behave at someone else’s dinner party may be very different from how you

behave at home.

While gestures might be understood to have some meanings in common, it is important to know they are also prone to numerous exceptions, misconceptions, confusion and variations in emphasis. Jumping to conclusions and reacting to them can go from simple embarrassment to a disastrous predicament. For example, when someone who wears glasses lowers their head and peers over the rim, it may indicate scepticism or, if they are not wearing bifocals, they may just want to see you better. Not jumping to quick conclusions is generally a prudent action.

… As you react to the gestures of others, realize those same people, are simultaneously reacting to your gestures. You and the person with whom you are interacting might have similar views on a subject and, because of style differences, the gestures you and they use, will be different; even if only slightly.

When you understand what your gestures are ’“saying”, you have a better chance of creating alignment with your words. Remember there are always exceptions to what seem to be the rules. The main learning points are:

… Make sure your intention (your thoughts) and your words are in harmony. This will lead to synchronicity of actions and, since you are no longer focusing on manipulative tactics, it allows you to hone in on accurately interpreting the gesture-language of the other(s).

… Relational power, self-assuredness and heightened levels of influence are at stake.

There are hundreds of gestures, each with numerous meanings. a very lengthy list with extensive descriptions will be found in my upcoming book. Some basic examples follow.

what gestures (GENERALLY) mean:

… Chin stroking (with thumb and index finger)

Evaluating the situation

Trying to make a decision

… Ear rubbing is a sign of impatience or "I've heard enough".

… Ear tugging

Nervousness

Anxious

Urge to interrupt (not a repetitious motion)

… Fidgeting

Boredom

Discomfort

Nervousness

… Hair twirling or curling around fingers

Sexual connotation

Insecurity

Lack of confidence

… Head tilted

Shows interest

… Kicking something

Irritation

Anger

Contemplation (when someone aimlessly kicks something around)

… Nail biting

Insecurity

Nervousness

… Neck (Rubbing the back of your neck)

Frustration

… Nose rubbing (slow, light touch)

Doubt

Rubbing your nose during a lengthy conversation often indicates lying or deceitfulness.

… Nose (Pinching the bridge of the nose)

Doubting the truth of what someone is saying.

… Rubbing or scratching head

Disbelief

Inability to get a point across

… Stroking Chin

Evaluation

Stroking ends when a decision has been reached

… Touching

Affection

Need for reassurance

… Unbuttoning a coat or jacket, taking off a jacket

Friendliness

Aaah, and this is just the beginning. In Gestures, Part II, Hand Movements will be covered. Understanding and managing every aspect of communication is not only the path to creating great first impressions, it’s also the path to close, long term and very lucrative relationships. Stay tuned.

*******
Posted to THE NATIONAL NETWORKER (TNNW). All rights reserved.

To subscribe for your free TNNW Newsletter, go to http://www.thenationalnetworker.com/ For the complete National Networker (TNNW) Relationship Capital Toolkit and a free continuous RSS feed (available either by traditional RSS or by direct email), go to: http://thenationalnetworkerweblog.blogspot.com/

You are also invited to click our buttons:




-------
Forward/Share This Article With Colleagues And Social Media:

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XIII Gestures Part 1

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor, Part XII: Facial Expression II

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

In last month's article, the gist of what we covered was how facial expressions:

*Are a significant form of sending and receiving wordless messages

*Can convey the real meaning behind the message, often expressing what words cannot.

*Can invariably determine someone’s emotional state by simply watching the movements of their facial muscles.

When you understand and can monitor the expressions you reveal and comprehend what you observe in others, the first impression factor can be influenced in significant ways.

Ponder this: Are you impressed by the calm you see in someone’s facial expressions? Do you feel uplifted when you see an expression of joy? Are you disturbed by an expression of anger? Do you worry when you see a look of confusion? Anger, contempt, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness and surprise, the seven internationally recognized states of emotion seen through facial expressions, are the focus of today’s column. The categories below will give you a brief overview of how to recognize someone’s emotional state. This will assist you in “reading” them. It will also help you know what reaction you might expect when you are perceived to be expressing any of these emotions. Knowledge is power. Remember things don’t happen in a vacuum and your observation of a cluster of reactions. . . facial expression changes . . . will provide you with a more accurate evaluation.

Anger

The angry expression can convey a variety of messages, among them hostility and opposition. It has a toxic effect on the person who is angry as well as those who are in the same environment. Negative impressions are almost instantly triggered when anger appears . . . not the way to begin or maintain a relationship.

The emotion of anger strongly affects the facial and skeletal musculature. Generally, the face becomes flushed. The fore head is creased, brow muscles move downward and inward as upper and lower eyelids narrow and tighten. The eyes are open wide, holding a prolonged (or fixed), intense glare. Nostrils flare, lips have a tendency to clench tightly, with jaw thrusting forward.

Contempt

An expression of contempt is derived from a person having a strong feeling of dislike for something or someone considered to be undeserving of respect, inferiority and unworthiness.

The facial expression that universally signals contempt is a tightening and slight raising of the upper lip, or lip corner, into a sneer or smirk. It is the only emotion expressed asymetrically, appearing on just one side of the face, creating a sense of imbalance. The nose may turn up slightly or simply wrinkle a bit. Eyebrows may be lowered and, unlike the emotion of anger, the eyes themselves may appear to be relaxed.

Disgust

Expressions of disgust are often seen as the face and body react to objects that are revolting and nauseating, such as unclean or inedible food, something that is offensive or morally unacceptable, visually or verbally.

The most noticeable signs of disgust are raised cheek muscles, lowered eyebrows, wrinkled nose, raised upper lip, and protruding lower lip.

Fear

An expression of fear is an emotional response to imminent threats, danger or likelihood of bodily harm or pain. Unlike anxiety, it is triggered by an external source.

Because fear is often preceded by surprise, the eyes tend to open wide, with the whites becoming more visible and the pupils dilating, allowing additional light to enter. The muscles around the eyes tense up, especially the lower eyelids, the brows draw together as they and the eyelids are raised high, caused by the tensing. Mid-forehead wrinkles appear. The mouth opens wide. The upper lip rises, both lips stretch horizontally and the jaw drops.

Happiness

Happiness comes from a sense of well-being, contentment, enjoyment and satisfaction.

It’s difficult to fake happiness or a true smile. It can be done for the camera and then disappears. With an expression of happiness, a sense of calm lingers in the background - even though the heart may be racing with joy. It is being content and at peace with yourself.

Happiness is visible on the face when teeth are exposed, the corners of the lips are drawn back and curve upward, lifting the mouth into a smile. Raised and wrinkled cheeks are accompanied by a widening of the eyes. This is associated by the creation of wrinkles in the corners of the eyes, also known as "crow's feet"

Sadness

When people are sad, they are experiencing sorrow or discontent, distress, dejection, dissatisfaction or depression.

In a typical sad expression, cheeks are raised, eyes are narrowed, eyelids droop as eyebrows

are pulled down . . . and in extreme sadness, drawn together. The mouth and corners of the lips create a down-turn and while lips may quiver, the lower lip may push up in a pout and the chin drops toward the chest.

Surprise

Expressions of surprise are spontaneous, momentary and involuntary. They can last for as little as a fraction of a second and can be longer. Surprise is generally followed . . . almost instantly

. . . by expressions of fear, happiness, confusion or other facial characterizations. Invariably, they are in response to an unexpected event. The magnitude of the surprise will determine the measure or the exaggeration of the facial expression.

When surprise is expressed in the face, wrinkles appear across the forehead; upper eyelids and brows rise. As the upper lid is raised and stretched up, the lower lid is drawn down, resulting in the eyes being naturally widened. The jaw drops and the mouth becomes relaxed and open.

In a first impression situation, you may not take the necessary time to get to know someone when that fleeting signal spells something negative. When you are perceived to be transmiting this type of signal, others may not know you are having a bad day, not feeling well, lost a job, were momentarily thrown back to a past negative experience, and so on and so on. Suddenly, you are history! When the situation is reversed, you will want to avoid being judgemental. You will appreciate the favor in return.

As you now move into a new stage, understanding what your facial expresions can mean, there are some key points to keep in mind. You DO want to make a positive first impression; you do want to remain aware of what you are projecting.

Fake does not work. If your facial expressions are not congruent with your feelings,

words and message, they will reveal incongruence, which will be interpreted as dishonesty.

So, avoid inappropriate and artificial expressions as they will rapidly initiate distrust and

alienation.

*******
Posted to THE NATIONAL NETWORKER (TNNW). All rights reserved.

To subscribe for your free TNNW Newsletter, go to http://www.thenationalnetworker.com/ For the complete National Networker (TNNW) Relationship Capital Toolkit and a free continuous RSS feed (available either by traditional RSS or by direct email), go to: http://thenationalnetworkerweblog.blogspot.com/

You are also invited to click our buttons:




-------
Forward/Share This Article With Colleagues And Social Media:

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor, Part XII: Facial Expression II

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor, Part XI: Facial Expression I

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

As you saw in the last article in the First Impression Series, eye contact plays a major role in connecting with people. Upcoming articles in the series will include additional facets of non-verbal communication including gestures, body language and posture. Since eye contact and facial expressions are so closely linked, it is perfectly logical that this article focuses on what impact they have on the First Impression Factor.

A few key points for eye contact review: We know that eye contact creates a connection and influences every action that follows. It governs back and forth conversations, reveals interest and interaction, intimacy, coldness, intimidation. Lack of eye contact is a signal of disinterest, boredom and rudenesss.

Facial expressions are a significant form of sending and receiving wordless messages. They are known to convey the real meaning behind the message, often expressing what words cannot. You can invariably determine someone’s emotional state by simply watching the movements of their facial muscles. Their mental and physiological states are mirrored by these expressions. When you are meeting, or even seeing someone for the first time, you can get a glimpse into their attitude by watching their countenance. Three aspects need to be considered:

1) To have a really accurate reading, consider facial expressions as simply an aspect within a cluster of other body language signs, gestures and posture. When they are all congruent, you are most likely getting an accurate reading. Point: Since facial expressions are triggered by emotion, they are hard to conceal…..it takes a very good actor to mask them with any degree of consistecy.

2) Keep in mind that at any given moment the person, just for that particular point in time, may be experiencing one of many emotions that might even be unrelated to the present circumstance; instead, potentially created by a flash-back of a previous emotional moment. All of this must be considered, so avoid jumping to conclusions too quickly.

3) While you are “reading” someone (assessing who they are and, even subconsciously, choosing how to associate with them), they will also be “reading” you. So, when you are mindful of your own facial expressions, you are consciously affecting the first impression you are creating. Caution: there are times when emotion takes over so strongly that your facial expressions will give you away, no matter what you do. Go ahead, don’t take my word for it. Give it a test. Smile when you are in excruciating pain, or when you can’t find your car keys and are going to be late for a crucial meeting; frown when you are overcome with joy; and/or be neutral when you look at something that truly disgusts you. I am sure you get the picture.

Take a situation where you run into an old friend. You say, "Hi, what’s up?" In most cases, you are likely to accompany this with a handshake, a hug or some other type of gesture. A change in facial expressions will most definitely occur from the moment you meet and greet until the time you part. The facial expression observed is often not one you are consciously controlling. Maybe it's that your facial expression reflects your negative mood of a few moments ago and you have a scowl on your face. This may give the other person the wrong impression and turn them off before anything has even been started. Clearly, this is where self-awareness and self-mastery come into play.

Let’s reflect on some examples: When you:

Subtly smile and narrow your eyes, you signal approval.

Close your eyes halfway, you will be perceived as suspicious.

Frown, you signal disapproval or even boredom.

Drop your jaw or raise your eyebrows, you are saying, "I don't believe it or perhaps “I’m amazed."

LOCATE ANY PERSON, ANYWHERE - EXPERTLY AND QUICKLY

START YOUR SEARCH BY CLICKING ON THE BUTTON BELOW --

Regardless of culture, the seven internationally recognized states of emotion seen through facial expressions are anger, contempt, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness and surprise. The degree of intensity displayed may differ due to cultural, or even individual, differences. In the latter case, personality, attitude and temperament play a role. When you are intent on creating your own persona, it is helpful to understand and monitor the expressions you reveal, and comprehend what you observe in others.

In the next installment, we will deal with these seven emotions in greater detail. You will learn to recognize them, understand them and turn them to your advantage.

####
Posted to THE NATIONAL NETWORKER. All rights reserved.
####
To subscribe for your free TNNW Newsletter, go to www.TheNationalNetworker.com. For the complete National Networker Relationship Capital Toolkit and a free continuous RSS feed (available either by traditional RSS or by direct email), go to: http://thenationalnetworkerweblog.blogspot.com.

You are also invited to click our buttons:




-------
Forward/Share This Article With Colleagues And Social Media:

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor, Part XI: Facial Expression I