JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XXI Overcoming the Negative First Impression

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

Go ahead. Feel great. You have made that all important First Impression so positively, it has garnered you tentative credibility. It’s the opening you needed to embark on the journey to your new relationship. You have created the opportunity for people being receptive to you, your ideas, your persona. You have captured the essence of the first 20 articles related to The First Impression Factor and you have laid the foundation. You have mastered it so it is no longer an effort. It is who you are . . . an attraction magnet.

And then, you make a mistake, or perhaps, you are new to the series and have no idea how detrimental a negative first impression can be, and you want to salvage the faux pax and start afresh. Is it an impossible task? In some cases, the answer really is yes, and all you can do is move on and learn from it.

The key here is, in most cases you can, with effort, reverse a negative impression. It may take work. Is it worth it? In most cases, yes!.

So, before we look at reversing the negative situation, let’s go through some potential issues that could trigger the other person taking offence. For those of you who have read and practiced the guidelines and skills from previous articles, this might simply serve as a review.

Following is a summation and a list of items with the potential of offending some individuals:

The first step toward correction, as always, is to understand where you might have been off-base. Clearly, a long list of possibilities exists, so let’s touch on the most common. (In some cases, these will seem so common and apparent, you might be tempted to gloss over them. I recommend you ignore this urge. You would not believe how many people ignore the basics, to their detriment. Do yourself a favor. Read every one of them (and then make up your own list of possibilities) because if you know what to expect, you can crack the code of the negative impression and never be caught off guard again. That would certainly be worth a few minutes of your time and concentration, wouldn’t it?

Check list and review of many of the do’s and don’ts (see former articles)

1. Cleanliness: Did you have:

1. Body odor?
2. Bad breathe?
3. Dirty hair?
4. Dirty fingernails?
5. Smoke on your breath or clothing?

2. Appearance:

1. Attire appropriate for the occasion?
2. Clothes neat and pressed?
3. Shoes or other attire look shabby or overly worn?
4. Dressed stylishly?

3. Behavior/Etiquette:

1. Arrive on time and not leave someone waiting?
2. Were you:

1). Rude?

2). Loud?

3). Obnoxious?

4). Uncaring?

5). Lack empathy?

6) Discourteous?

7) Phoney? (not who you really are, putting on airs, just plain incongruent)

8) Late?

3. Focus: Do you need to have it all on you?
4. Did you:

1) Place you attention on the person with whom you were speaking or look around for someone “better”?

2) Crack an inappropriate joke?

3) Say something inappropriate?

4) Gossip?

5) Take a cell call in the middle of a conversation?

6) Hurt someone’s feelings?

7) Leave someone out in the course of conversation?

8) Not follow acceptable standards for a meeting?

9) Drink too much and have a loose tongue?

4. Communication:

1. Did you

1). Use fowl language?

2). Interrupt someone?

3). Did you do what you said you would do and confirm it? (Make a promise and

not keep it?)

4). Get a referral and not say thank you or acknowledge it?

5). Forget someone’s name?

2. Were you:

1). Observant of cultural differences?

2). Were you a good listener?

Once you have pinpointed what boo-boo you perpetrated (if you are still unclear, you may have to just test the waters or even ask the other, if it is important enough), consider if any of the following solutions could assist with your correction.

Apologize ASAP . . . this is not a time to wait.

Time is of the essence so the first thing to do is, apologize. Acknowledge your insensitivity, your mistake, or whatever you may have done and, at times, explaining why you acted a certain way, or said something inappropriate. Authentic explanations are generally very well accepted. A simple forgive me, could work too. The longer you let a scenario go without addressing it, the greater the risk of it being blown out of proportion and the harder it will be to repair the damage. Once you do apologize and it is accepted, don’t keep apologizing over and over. Put it behind you and don’t bring it up again. When you keep repeating your apology, you run the risk of aggravating the istuation, plus portraying low swel-esteem; if that happens enough, the person may simply start avoiding you. Just be present and committed to creating win/win outcomes.

Create a positive environment.

Be optimistic and self- assured (not egotistical). The past is over and you cannot change it. You can change your future behavior and you can create a positive environment by being positive.

Be yourself.

People often feel they need to change according to the situation. Your casual attire at a barbeque or picnic will be viewed differently at the office. Your way of being, your integrity, your language, etc. remain the same when you want to present an honest, congruent, genuine and sincere persona. Phonies are not well-liked or accepted. Just be real, transparent.

Be Consistent.

Whatever you do, display the same consistent behavior so you come across as authentic, grounded . . . someone who can be counted on.

Know and live by your values.

When you believe in something, live by your values, stick to them, own them, and don’t disrespect those of others. Values are sacred, so don’t flip-flop on them to fit the situation. If you have a disagreement, you can agree to disagree. Steer clear of making it personal. You cannot take back what you let out of your mouth. Most of us know that there is some grain of truth in what is said. Once may be forgiven. When you hear it again and again, you know it is part of who the person is. If your values differ, it is your choice to accept the behavior or simply bow out.

Listen and pay attention.

When people talk, listen! You may do something in error simply because you were not listening or paying attention. It is important to let people know they are being heard.

Make eye contact.

To re-start the trust cycle be sure you make eye contact. Without eye contact it's hard to establish trust, and without trust you have no chance of recovery.

Be on time.

If you have made an appointment, be on time. If you are going to be late or cannot make it, pick up the phone and call.

Names

Listen to names in an introduction, learn them, use them often – it makes the conversation more personal. Get rid of the internal conversation, “I’m not good at remembering names.” It only reinforces a behavior you want to delete.

Humor

Temper your sense of humor until you know everyone is on board with your particular brand. Using a little self-deprecating humor can go a long way in your apology, and even in building credibility. Just use it sparingly and/or appropriately.

Your attitude about who you are and what you want to accomplish is the best roadmap to reach your destination. When you couple that with a clear purpose, it is almost certain to get you to what you want. By being yourself and looking for ways to serve others, you hold in your hands a winning formula. If along the way, you do make a mistake, you now have the tools to correct it. Focus on the steps to creating a positive first impression and the likelihood of you needing to do a ‘retro-fit’ will diminish significantly.

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

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JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XXI Overcoming the Negative First Impression

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XX: The Power of Pause

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

Life is hectic. It is full. Something is going on, all the time (well, almost all the time). Think about your life. Aren’t there times you just want to scream? “Stop, no more. I’ve had enough!”

• Work. Work. Work. All I do is work. I need a break.


• No more rain. Enough already! Stop! It’s time for a break.


• All you do is chatter. Please take a break and be silent.


• Traffic, cleaning up, filing, shopping, return calls, appointments, dance lessons, lessons of every other sort, etc. etc. etc. They say, “Life’s a b - - ch!”

STOP!! Yes, this “stuff” surrounds us everyday. We are bombarded with never ending activity. And if there is no break, we break... or, become less effective. We need time to reflect, to change the pace, to intervene, to be silent; inside and out, even just for a moment... to become re-invigorated. And so, the lesson extends to each of us, you and me, and all the rest. We must learn to pause, for the sake of all.When dealing with first impressions we have to reflect on the fact, and as if the activity were not enough, we have those verbose speakers who do not know when to stop. We need to let them know about the pause, the silence between the words to reinforce

an early connectedness. They must master the art of silence so they may understand their power, the power in the pause, when used to its best effect.

Strategically planned, it is the appropriate gap before or after an emotion, punctuation, change of subject, emphasis. Its power can be eloquent... and it can be devastatingly awkward if it is not in sync with the intention. Effective use of the pause generally means ‘less is more’, especially when more is too much.

If you are going to use the pause as a powerful strategic element, you will find these 6 tips to be most useful.

1. PAUSE TO BREATHE
Before you even start to speak, pause and take a deep breath. This will give you a lower and calmer voice. If you do not pause (and continue breathing deeply) while you are speaking, air will be blocked from flowing back in and your voice will become thin, high pitched and quite unpleasant. (Test it. Take a deep breath. Speak until you run out of air and force yourself to say a few more words. Do this right now. See how it changes the quality of your voice, not to mention the discomfort it can cause?)

And, if you do not pause to breathe, you will cause your listeners to feel you are rushing to get through, or that your words have no real importance and you have succumbed to chatter.

2. PAUSE FOR EMPHASIS AND/OR ATTENTION.
Use pauses either before or after, or both before and after important words, points, thoughts or concepts. Use an extended pause to emphasize or dramatize your main point or to convey the enormity of a powerful thought or statement. This tells your audience you are going to say something significant and they should listen. By pausing again, after your words, you allow the silence to underline what you have just said.

3. PAUSE FOR THOSE WHO ARE LISTENING.
Listeners need a few moments to absorb and contemplate what is being said. Give them time to catch up. If they become distracted with run on thoughts and sentences, they may tune out and never catch up. They really do need time to think in order to understand what comes next.

4. NON-WORDS AND FILLERS
Non-words (“Uh" and "um" ) and other fillers (“like”, “uh”, “you know”, “um”) dilute your phrases and sentences, weaken your communication and therefore your delivery. They make you appear tentative, insecure, and lacking in authority and confidence. STOP.

Become silent... for silence is your friend. Even the norm for this pause, which may be 2 or 3 seconds, may feel like an eternity... especially when under pressure. It is not too long! Time yourself and you will see. Rather than having people count the “um’s” you utter (admit it, you have done this more than once, right?), pause and think about what you really want to say and then say it with conviction.

5. USE TO ALLOW THE LISTENER ENTRY
When you ramble on and on, you are effectively saying to the listener, “You are unimportant, this conversation is all about me.” Ugh; no way to build a relationship or even to create a good first impression.

6.USE THE PAUSE SPARINGLY
Use the pause for effect, when appropriate and necessary. Don’t overwork it. If you use it and it becomes a pattern, the listener will become bored. The pause is most effective when it is unexpected. Be strategic. Use it for emphasis.

Master the art of silence and you will understand your power . . . and the power in the pause.

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.






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JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XX: The Power of Pause

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XIX: The Quality of Vocal Variety/Part II

Jetnetting with Heshie Segal

Consciously utilizing and effectively integrating the voice elements of Volume, Pace, Pitch and Tonality gives you an advantage in making that positive first impression. Speaking with a voice that is too loud or too soft, too fast or too slow, too high or too low, and with a tonality that is incongruent with your emotions of the moment, will not serve you. Clearly, this is situational and depends to a large extent on the orientation of the listener. You control whether you project yourself as interesting, boring, energetic, professional, powerful, meek, classy, and the list goes. Can you imagine just how effective you can be when you have the ability to habitually control these elements?

Understandably, each individual element is a part of the whole. While there are many elements to take into consideration, for this segment, the ones I will focus on are: Volume, Pace, Pitch and Tonality. The next article will deal with the Power of Pauses.

Volume (loudness or softness) depends on the environment in which you find yourself: the setting, the number of people, the size of a room, and background noise for starters.

One-on-one and/or in a small room, use a voice loud enough for someone to hear with ease. Whether you are proving a point, or become passionate about something, it is appropriate to become a bit louder and speak at a faster pace. If want to appear secretive or more intimate, appropriately lower your voice. You are far more effective when you vary the volume to emphasize and reflect the exact impression you wish to create.

In a larger room, volume, without shouting, is generally a necessity. When on a stage, speak to the last row and project your voice over the entire group. If you allow your voice to fade at the end of a sentence, it suggests that you don’t think that information is important and tends to cause the audience to lose attention.

In any situation, if your volume is too low, it tends to irritate the listener since (s)he has to strain to hear. Appropriate volume, varied for emphasis, can liven up your speech; too loud, especially in one-on-one situations, may be perceived as anger, aggressiveness and boorish boldness.

Because the rate (also known as speed or pace) at which you speak will also affect the receptivity of your listener, be sure to keep it varied. The normal pace for a speech is around 140-160 words per minute. Some people speak at 80-100 words per minute and tend to put most listeners to sleep. Few people speak at rates of up to 200 words per minute. Interestingly, with practice, the human ear and brain can process over 400 spoken words per minute.

Clearly, the pace should be appropriate to the message and to the expectations of the audience. A serious message or conversation will require a slower pace while comic and high energy content commands a somewhat faster pace.

Speak more slowly to emphasize key words and concepts; more quickly, to stimulate energy and promote a sense of urgency. Of course, there will be advantages and disadvantages to a pace at either extreme. A slow rate of delivery can be relaxing and comforting; on the other hand, if it is too slow, it can come across as monotonous and potentially boring. The listener's mind will start to wander, attention span will begin to fade and the brain will stop paying attention, looking for other ways to keep stimulated. When you speak too quickly, you will actually tire the listener. Because the mind begins to wander when it cannot comprehend what you are communicating, it will give up. You also take risk appearing jittery and aggressive.

Practice is required of those who speak at extremes. If you are a slow-paced speaker, you have to learn to pick up speed. If you can become more comfortable with your subject, you will have the to accelerate. Spend time practicing in conversation with someone who knows you, knows your goal and is willing give If your tendency is to speak at a faster pace, you may need to practice speaking at a rate that is almost excruciatingly slow. Choose someone to listen to you and provide honest feedback. Persevere and the end result will be well worth it.

Pitch is the high (height) and low (depth) of the voice, the range of sounds. If compared to music, it would be the range of notes on a musical scale.. Your comfort level with pitch is called your “natural register”. A narrow range (3-4 notes), like too slow a pace, is boring and monotonous. Anyone listening to you will gradually stop paying attention. In fact, the ultimate experience of boredom is a combination of low pitch and slow rate!!

To convey mood, enthusiasm, energy and concern, allow your pitch to rise and fall. In music, a range of eight notes creates vocal variety.

When people are nervous, their voices tend to get higher. Use controlled, deep breathing to lower the pitch, although you don’t want it to be too low. By keeping your voice near the bottom of your range, you will appear more confident and be able to hide any anxiety you might feel. Hint: To find the lowest point in your range, purposely make you voice very deep, as deep as you can and then move it back up a notch so that you project comfortably.

Interestingly, by simply modulating your pitch you can affect the meaning of a word. For example: Repeat this simple four word sentence, shifting your modulation, “You will do this.” First, put emphasis on the word ‘will’, as though in a command, using a deep, low pitch. “You WILL do this.” Now repeat the same sentence as though asking a question. “You WILL do this (?).” Note that your pitch becomes higher and more tentative. What do you hear when you shift the emphasis to the word ‘this?’ A totally different meaning, right?

The tone of your unaltered voice is a mirror image of your physical and emotional state, a reflection of your attitude - about yourself, about others and about life. It is the most important vocal element in conveying your emotions. It reflects your happiness, your misery, failure, hope, belief, confidence, fear, love, tenderness, etc. Like pitch, it affects the meaning of a word or even the entire message. Tone accounts for 38% of the message transmitted. (The remaining percentages are 7% words and a 55% physiology: - combination of posture, eye contact, facial expressions, gestures and breathing patterns.) During a phone conversation, when there is no visual contact, tonality takes on even more importance. Here, words convey 15% of the communication and tonality a full 85%.

The tone of a voice rarely masks the emotional truth that hides behind it. In order to have your tone of voice be congruent with the emotion you want to convey, think and visualize something that you equate with that feeling. If you want to reflect friendliness, you might think about the feeling you get when someone welcomes you into the circle. If you seek fear, think of when you did something you knew you were not supposed to do and were afraid someone would find out.

When you speak, position your body in the way that will convey congruency with the tone of voice you want to project. Use the entire vocal scale to create tones that are lively and colorful.

Properly integrating the voice elements of Volume, Pace, Pitch and Tonality will put you in a favorable position as you meet new people. However, just as you are breathing a sigh of relief for knowing and hopefully mastering this information, we have not yet dealt with it all. Yes, there is more!

When it comes to voice, there are other things to consider when making that positive first impression. One of the most important of these, though hard to believe, is silence…also known as the Power of the Pause (POP). The pause is an integral part of using your communication skills to create impact. This important skill will be the focus of next month’s article.

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.





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JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XIX: The Quality of Vocal Variety/Part II

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XVIII: The Quality of Vocal Variety, Part 1

Jetnetting with Heshie Segal

Never underestimate the power of the voice. In every communication, the voice, with its vocal elements, pauses and breathing, has the ability to make a powerful first and lasting impression.

Statistics prove that delivery (including voice and body language) carries a far greater wallop than content.

Well-known communication researcher Albert Mehrabian has shown in his studies that 38% of a

speaker’s credibility comes from the voice - that is, sounds, tones and pitch - while only 7% of the impact

comes from what the person actually says. Because your voice is a major factor in how people respond to

you, be aware of how you use it.

Your voice can communicate your sense of confidence, competence, attitude and professionalism. It conveys meaning and gives the listener information about you.

• A tentative voice might betray a lack of confidence.
• A loud, high-pitched, rapid pace signals stress.
• A loud, sharp sound results from an unwillingness to hear someone else's view.
• Prolonged silence (lack of voice) can indicate disagreement, creating tension; or indecision, potentially leading to distrust.
• Lack of confidence, self-esteem, uncertainty, passiveness and dishonesty is generally accompanied by a soft voice.
• Someone who is boastful, aggressive, or angry may speak in a voice that is simultaneously loud and rapid, or chillingly measured and controlled.
• A speaker may be unaware that his or her voice is whiney, nasal, high pitched or strident. These qualities will have a considerable impact on the “receiver’s” perception of the speaker and may detract from the message or presentation.
• If the accent or emphasis on certain words, and the tone of voice are inconsistent, it may influence what the listener understands. Consistent inconsistency also leads to mistrust.

Fortunately, there ARE things you can do to assure your voice is conveying the perception you want people to have of you. Practice speaking to develop relaxed breathing and varied vocal elements. You can do this by reading aloud from a magazine, book, or newspaper on a regular basis; say 10 to 15 minutes a day. Because the major resonance in your speaking voice comes from your head, mouth and chest, experiment speaking alternately from each area, to project a full vocal range.

Women generally speak with less chest resonance than men and therefore may come across with ‘thinner’ voices. For most people, creating the desired modulation and effect does take work, and it is well worth the effort. Resonant voices appear to be more powerful, believable and pleasing to the ear.

Are you ready for a deeper, more resonant voice? Then, be aware of the physical aspects of speaking, breathing in particular. 1). Relax your body and your breathing to get air flowing smoothly from your lungs. 2). Practice speaking by breathing from your stomach, not your throat. It gives your voice a fuller sound. Note: Good breathing gives you a more resonant voice while throat breathing produces thin voice quality. 3). Get used to breathing in and out of your mouth to keep your throat open.

For maximum effectiveness, and to make your voice more expressive, learn to vary the vocal elements (known as vocal variety) of your voice: pitch, tone, volume, inflection, rhythm, pace, pronunciation and articulation. If you put meaning and expression into your words, it will further help you vary the vocal elements. For example, if you say: “joy” then sound happy; for “sadness”, let them hear the low pitched voice with slow delivery, “power” will be accompanied by strong tonality, “energy” will have a faster, generally higher pitch.

It is critically important to vary your tone, speed, volume and pitch for emphasis. If you are addressing a large audience, change your pitch, volume and speed at least once during a “paragraph”. If you are speaking one-on-one or within a small group, you will still need variation, just toned down a bit.

Some concluding remarks: There are three scenarios to heed:

1). Low pitch, low volume and speaking too slowly generally produce boredom.

2). High pitch and a fast pace can either indicate high energy and excitement, or it can also be perceived as

a state of nervousness.

3). A monotone is boring and a turn off. Too much of one thing does not provide what might be called

arousal power, because it all sounds the same.

In The Quality of Vocal Variety/Part II, I will go into more depth so you will have the optimal advantage in using your voice when making a first impression.


For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

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JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XVIII: The Quality of Vocal Variety, Part 1

JETNETTING: THE FIRST IMPRESSION FACTOR: XVII How to Posture Yourself

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

Sometimes it is the small, subtle movement that tells the story. It can work for or against you. The more you know, the greater your ability to control your own body positions as well as read someone else’s. In this article, you will learn how to be a “savvy” body mover and body reader by understanding the “how to” of body posturing.

Posture signals how you feel about yourself, how others perceive you, and what is happening at any given moment of communication.

Whether standing or sitting, lean forward when you want to make a key point. A leaning forward posture communicates to listeners that you are approachable, receptive, friendly, confident, warm, approving and/or are simply interested in what the other person is saying.

It is important to read changes in posture. Watch for leg shuffling or abrupt postural shifts because they signal a change of interest or thought pattern, an alteration of the communication flow, a change of attitude, an upset or a mistake made by one of the parties. (Be well aware that some people simply cannot physically sit in one position too long, also that every thought is transmitted in some form of body manifestation). An example: Boredom, disinterest, apathy and a lack of respect are apparent - especially when sitting - if one of the parties starts slouching during a conversation.

Quick tip: Keep your chin up so that your voice will not sound muffled and you can project an air of confidence.

Mirroring the posture of your partner helps to build rapport and signals, on a sub-conscious level, there is a mutual sense of harmony, understanding, respect and friendship. Following are a number of postures with potential interpretations:

When you position your arms across your chest, you may be projecting that you are (any of the following):

1. Unwilling to listen.
2. Closed to new concepts.
3. Not receptive to change.
4. Being judgmental in an inappropriate manner.
5. Defensive.
6. Nervous.
7. Hard to convince.
8. Cold (yes, it is important to notice temperature and not incorrectly assign a meaning to something that does not exist).
9. Angry with someone or with a situation you cannot control.
10. Dislike someone. (Crossing legs can signal the same thing.)

Raised arms can have a multitude of meanings:

1. To attract attention
2. Signal someone to stop doing something.
3. One arm, used for a swearing in ceremony or to take an oath.
4. Straight up in a V-shape is for victory.
5. Raised with the upper arms parallel with the shoulders, forearms at right angles (90 degrees) is a signal of surrender.

Postural hand positions to avoid:

1. "Broken arm", the Napoleon style where you position one arm and hand in front of you.
2. "Fig leaf", when you place your hands folded in front of you.
3. "Pocket thruster", when you keep your hands in your pocket.
4. "Dreaded jangler", when you use one hand to play with coins.
5. "Prince Philip", where you have your arms folded behind your back.

Some negative posturing includes:

1. Continuous pacing.
2. Body tenseness or restlessness.
3. Fidgeting.
4. Shuffling feet.
5. Finger drumming (i.e. nervous energy).
6. Hair twirling.
7. Swaying from side to side or back and forth.

Body Pointing, how you orient your body toward the other person, is a subtle form of body language.

In direct confrontation, people face each other, shoulders squared.

To build rapport, imitate (point) the body direction of the person with whom you are conversing. To shut someone out, point your body away from that person.

While crossed legs generally indicate closed behavior, crossing the legs in the direction of the person with whom you are conversing turns a closed behavior into an open one.

When arguing with someone, point your body away from that person to emphasize your disagreement. Point your body towards the door when you are looking to exit from a situation.

Moving and leaning to the side or away from someone can mean:

1. You want your distance.
2. The other person has body odor or bad breath.
3. You don't like them.
4. What they are saying is not important to you or that you are not interested.

When seated, if you point your toes towards the person with whom you are speaking, you are generally indicating interest and a desire to communicate. Pointing toes away is perceived as a lack of interest and a desire to exit. If the latter happens, and especially when the body pointing is sending you the same message, you have several choices. You can do something different with your body, and/or modify your method of verbal communication; i.e. mirror movement or position in an attempt to get back into rapport, change the topic, change the tone of your voice or the style in which you are speaking, or just say good-bye.

When the latter is not an option, and you have utilized all of you posturing skills without success, you do have another powerful recourse. What you do with your voice can greatly impact what happens next. The next installment will deal with how your voice can make or break that all important first impression; your stepping stone to success!

When the latter is not an option, and you have utilized all of you posturing skills without success, you do have another powerful recourse. What you do with your voice can greatly impact what happens next. The next installment will deal with how your voice can make or break that all important first impression; your stepping stone to success!

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

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JETNETTING: THE FIRST IMPRESSION FACTOR: XVII How to Posture Yourself

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XVI - Use Your POSTURE

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

Do you remember when your mother told you to stand up straight? OK, if you really slouched, it may also have been a litany of others. If they nagged . . . and you rebelled. . . by this time, you are either hunched over or you have severe neck and back pains. If you don’t respect yourself enough to stand proud, how can you expect others to respect you? This is no laughing matter – it concerns your health and/or your business.

When you meet someone for the first time, how you stand, sit, walk, carry your body or hold your head, determines the first impression you make. Think about it. YOU meet someone for the first time, especially in business, and that person holds his or her head down with shoulders drooped or is slouched over a chair . . . you get the picture; what do you think of that person? Are you ready to do business? Chances are the answer is “no”.

You want and need that first impression to be positive; the potential of doing business depends on it! Stop slouching, hold your head up high (although not so high as to have you appear superior), walk (or sit) with confidence and ease. People are open to doing business with those who posture themselves with confidence . . . physically and emotionally. Knowing, liking and trusting then has a chance to develop.

What does my posture say about me?

Posture may vary with the time, circumstance and size of a group and, in nearly all cases, posture is an indication of how you perceive yourself.

When you stand up straight with shoulders back, head held high, and walk with ease, you:

• Are seen as successful and confident, with high self-esteem.

• Will be taken for a person with poise and good upbringing.
  

• Will be respected.

• Show you have power, energy and stature.

• Are seen as someone who can easily deal with whatever occurs.

• Exhibit a general state of well-being.

When you slouch with your shoulders stooped or drooping, your chin and head slanting downward, you appear to:

• Have low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. (The exception to this would be someone who has a physical challenge.)

• Lack power, in a state of defeat, sadness.
  

• Be insecure, ill at ease.

• Lack energy, tired or depressed.

• Let everything get to you.

• Be depressed

A constantly lowered head indicates submission, shame, sorrow, bashfulness and low energy.

A jaw tucked into the neck shows a lack of confidence and the appearance of not being able to speak for oneself or a possible constant state of sadness.

When the neck protrudes on a regular basis, it can either project obstinacy or determination or even anxiety, a fear of being attacked, physically or emotionally (anxiety is a fear of what might occur).

Good posture is not about standing at attention or having a rigid upper body – the latter projects arrogance or inflexibility. Stand tall, not stiff and be tall without stretching.

Good posture is about carrying yourself so you are perceived as confident; that you radiate energy, drawing others to you. In general, good posture can be achieved in the following manner:

Sit straight, (imagine that a string is holding your head up high) chin high, shoulders back and down, both feet on the floor, lean in slightly, don’t slouch or have your hands clasped behind your head.

When standing, have both feet evenly on the ground and hands at your side rather than on your hips. The latter stances may appear to show arrogance or superiority and even disapproval and crossing you feet or legs makes you look unbalanced and timid.

What does my “walk” or “gait” tell people about who I am?

When you walk, no matter where it is, walk with intent and authority. With every step, your body portrays your attitude. What you may not realize is that an outsider will sense your mood, emotions and attitude because the body projects this as an unconscious indicator. Because of this, it is extremely important for you to be cognizant of how you move. When you get up from your seat, do it deliberately and walk in the same manner . . . always with confidence and with purpose.

Does the pace of my walk count? Yes, definitely. People who are happy often walk with a quick, light step. These fast-paced people are seen as energized, flexible, ready to get to the next place to achieve their objectives. Fast-paced people are seen as getting more done in a relatively short period of time. People who walk slowly and take in the sights are generally seen as more laid back, less likely to act quickly and decisively. A strong correlation exists between mood and pace. Unhappy, depressed, dejected people seem to walk more slowly. They often walk with drooped shoulders and eyes looking downward. Even though their eyes are down, they frequently don’t "see" where they are going, they walk with hands in their pockets, drag their feet, and do not pay attention to their surroundings. People may also walk slowly because they are pre-occupied. They walk with head down, hands behind the back, just trying to reach a well-thought out decision.

Let your posture be your friend. Your body will thank you when your posture works for you and your business will thank you because of the impression you are making.

Posture is more than how you hold your head and body, or your gait and how quickly or slowly you walk. It extends to what you communicate in the act of moving, your arms or legs, upright or slouched, eyes and chin up or down . . . in general, how you ‘posture’ yourself. You will learn more about this in the next article.

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

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JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XVI - Use Your POSTURE

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XIV - Gestures, Part II

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

Ah, hand movements. So much can be said about them. They can emphasis what you are communicating or they can give you away. Do you use them when you speak and, are you aware of using them? Do you use them a little? A lot? Do you create large movements or do you keep them small? Does it depend on the situation? Are your hand movements forced? Natural? Do you need them to talk for you . . .to supply the meaning you cannot seem to communicate effectively with words alone? Just watch people who visit a foreign country and do not understand the prevailing language. They use their hands when asking for directions, for pointing, for clarification, for ordering food and of course the list keeps on going. The use of hand gestures can and is truly transformed into a language without words; reflect on the communication skills of people who are deaf and/or mute and how amazingly ‘articulate’ they can be.

Julie and Bill are a dynamic duo. They work with people who want to make the most of their communication skills. Their niche is teaching how to create a positive first impression.

Julie is a bubbly, outgoing woman who uses her hands to create visual pictures in support of her message. Her receptive attitude is easily identifiable when she opens her hands to invite people into her space. When she stands before a large audience, she exaggerates the invitation by bringing her hands further away from the center of her body.

Bill is also dynamic . . . with an understated persona. He allows his hands to "talk", just not excessively. He does not call undue attention to them. Like Judy, he consistently uses open hands and palms that translate into a sense of authority and being in control of any situation.

Julie and Bill have been coaching a small group of talented college students who will be interviewed for sales and marketing positions. They know that creating a positive first impression is imperative. This session has the dynamic duo helping their protégés master communication with hand gestures.

Joey, one of the students, asks them, “What do I do with my hands when I am speaking to a tentative employer and especially if I have to stand in front of a group? I feel awkward just letting them hang.” Karen pipes in, “My hands go everywhere. I could never let them just hang!”

Julie laughs and says, “Karen, I know how you feel. I have to control my own hands at times. You are not alone. Women use far more hand gestures, and gestures in general for that matter, than men. That’s tough because, in certain situations we are less believable when we have our hands and arms all over the place.

Bill is ready to give some instruction. “Alright everyone, let’s get some basic guidelines that will make everyone more comfortable. Here goes:

1. Keeping your hands at your sides, unless they are gesturing as part of your message, makes you look trustworthy, confident and grounded. Yet if you purposely keep your hands still and they appear rigid, with no gesturing whatsoever, you run the risk of appearing stilted and your speech becoming flat and monotonous. Balance is essential.
2. When you put your hands behind you, especially if your head is slightly bowed, you may be perceived as lacking in vitality or in contemplation; and it might appear as if you are hiding something. When you keep your hands in full view, you show that you are open and forthcoming.
3. Placing your hands on you hips can make you appear to be snobbish, patronizing, impatient or superior.
4. When you are speaking to just one person, keep your gestures on the smaller side. When there is a group, enlarge the movements.

“Alright, lab time.” Julie wants the students to communicate and demonstrate emotions by using hand gestures only. “We will take the next 90 minutes, divide into teams, come up with your own scenarios and use the gestures listed below. Your role playing will give you confidence for the all important first impression . . . and beyond.

In the next session, we will cover the handshake. There is much more to it than you think.

Hands Clenched: Stressed out, Suspicion, Anxiety, Surprise

Covering your Mouth is usually negative: Doubt, Lack of confidence, Distortion of the truth

Hands on Hips - (with feet spread at shoulder width) Are you ready to roll?: Indicative of someone who wants to get somewhere quickly - whether physically or emotionally, Aggressiveness

Hand placed on chest: Allegiance, Honesty, Sincerity

Hand Wringing: Nervousness, Insecurity

Rubbing hands together: Satisfaction when it is with a quick motion, Deviousness, deception when done in slow motion

(Open) Hands, Palms: Openness, Sincerity

Palm rubbing: Expectancy, a way to keep warm

This just touches the surface of what hand gestures can mean. Not every movement has to have meaning, but it can. It is what you make of it. Now, your assignment: become more observant of what you do and what you see others do. Your impact and success depend on it!

For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

*******
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JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XIV - Gestures, Part II

JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XIII Gestures Part 1

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

First impressions are crucial. When the words you utter are not congruent with your gestures (or for that fact, your body language in general), the latter will negate what you are saying and you will appear untrustworthy. Once you understand the importance of trust, and how business can be created or lost in the first impression, you will want to possess every tool available to make sure you are on target. Your awareness of how you appear to others, what you have to do to gain trust, and having the ability to interpret the language of gestures, gives you a decided advantage.

Every thought is manifested by a physical reaction in the body, generally expressed in some form of gesture. We define a gesture as an act or movement of the body that reflects, expresses or emphasizes an idea, sentiment or attitude. Gestures help capture a listener’s attention, make conversation more interesting and facilitate comprehension when used for emphasis and/or for the clarification of points.

When gestures are congruent with the words that accompany them, they are recognized as sincere and are hence convincing. Ideally, every movement you make is deliberate, thoughtful and reinforces the message you are conveying.

I am frequently addressed by a statement and a question: I get the importance about congruence. What are the do’s and don’ts related to gestures?

… Gestures should not be overdone; not too extreme, and not so small that they are unnoticeable. They must be suited to the audience. For example, slower paced or methodical people and/or seniors often feel threatened by exaggerated gestures; on the other hand, emotionally responsive people and especially children, get excited by exaggeration.

… Gestures should be seen as part of the spoken word, not as a separate entity; in other words,

there should be congruence in word, content and action. When gesturing is an integral

part of the spoken word, it will indeed not be noticed as a separate entity; in fact, it might not even be noticed in a conscious sense and, definitely not missed and responded to by the sub-conscious. There is freedom in this congruency and together they provide the solid credibility most of us seek.

… When evaluating the meaning of a gesture, avoid attaching significance to a single movement, because it could simply reflect one specific habit or compulsive behaviour pattern.

… Like words, gestures do not stand alone. While you may learn that specific gestures are "supposed" to mean “this or that”, when interpreting them, they need to be assessed in the context of a situation since the same gestures take on many meanings. Enter the gesture cluster.

… Gesture clusters are combinations of non-verbal communication that provide a more meaningful interpretation when observed in a continuum of actions. They are modified by differing temperaments, personalities and/or attitudes. Consider this: Someone says he is open to listening, yet sits with folded arms, crossed legs, and uses a pointed finger; this is both incongruent and suspicious. Interestingly, I’m sure some of you have already recognized that gesture-clusters can communicate on their own, without even a single word being uttered.

… Understanding the true meaning of gestures is subject to time, place, context of the conversation and circumstance. To complicate the issue even more, they are further affected by cultures and countries.

1. Nodding can mean interest or approval, and even disapproval in some cultures.

2. A kiss is a gesture of affection in the West. In much of Eastern Asia a kiss is not appropriate outside the bedroom. In Kuwait, you will be in trouble if you kiss someone of the opposite sex in public
3. How you behave at someone else’s dinner party may be very different from how you

behave at home.

While gestures might be understood to have some meanings in common, it is important to know they are also prone to numerous exceptions, misconceptions, confusion and variations in emphasis. Jumping to conclusions and reacting to them can go from simple embarrassment to a disastrous predicament. For example, when someone who wears glasses lowers their head and peers over the rim, it may indicate scepticism or, if they are not wearing bifocals, they may just want to see you better. Not jumping to quick conclusions is generally a prudent action.

… As you react to the gestures of others, realize those same people, are simultaneously reacting to your gestures. You and the person with whom you are interacting might have similar views on a subject and, because of style differences, the gestures you and they use, will be different; even if only slightly.

When you understand what your gestures are ’“saying”, you have a better chance of creating alignment with your words. Remember there are always exceptions to what seem to be the rules. The main learning points are:

… Make sure your intention (your thoughts) and your words are in harmony. This will lead to synchronicity of actions and, since you are no longer focusing on manipulative tactics, it allows you to hone in on accurately interpreting the gesture-language of the other(s).

… Relational power, self-assuredness and heightened levels of influence are at stake.

There are hundreds of gestures, each with numerous meanings. a very lengthy list with extensive descriptions will be found in my upcoming book. Some basic examples follow.

what gestures (GENERALLY) mean:

… Chin stroking (with thumb and index finger)

Evaluating the situation

Trying to make a decision

… Ear rubbing is a sign of impatience or "I've heard enough".

… Ear tugging

Nervousness

Anxious

Urge to interrupt (not a repetitious motion)

… Fidgeting

Boredom

Discomfort

Nervousness

… Hair twirling or curling around fingers

Sexual connotation

Insecurity

Lack of confidence

… Head tilted

Shows interest

… Kicking something

Irritation

Anger

Contemplation (when someone aimlessly kicks something around)

… Nail biting

Insecurity

Nervousness

… Neck (Rubbing the back of your neck)

Frustration

… Nose rubbing (slow, light touch)

Doubt

Rubbing your nose during a lengthy conversation often indicates lying or deceitfulness.

… Nose (Pinching the bridge of the nose)

Doubting the truth of what someone is saying.

… Rubbing or scratching head

Disbelief

Inability to get a point across

… Stroking Chin

Evaluation

Stroking ends when a decision has been reached

… Touching

Affection

Need for reassurance

… Unbuttoning a coat or jacket, taking off a jacket

Friendliness

Aaah, and this is just the beginning. In Gestures, Part II, Hand Movements will be covered. Understanding and managing every aspect of communication is not only the path to creating great first impressions, it’s also the path to close, long term and very lucrative relationships. Stay tuned.

*******
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JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor: XIII Gestures Part 1