JetNetting with Heshie Segal
As you saw in the last article in the First Impression Series, eye contact plays a major role in connecting with people. Upcoming articles in the series will include additional facets of non-verbal communication including gestures, body language and posture. Since eye contact and facial expressions are so closely linked, it is perfectly logical that this article focuses on what impact they have on the First Impression Factor.
A few key points for eye contact review: We know that eye contact creates a connection and influences every action that follows. It governs back and forth conversations, reveals interest and interaction, intimacy, coldness, intimidation. Lack of eye contact is a signal of disinterest, boredom and rudenesss.
Facial expressions are a significant form of sending and receiving wordless messages. They are known to convey the real meaning behind the message, often expressing what words cannot. You can invariably determine someone’s emotional state by simply watching the movements of their facial muscles. Their mental and physiological states are mirrored by these expressions. When you are meeting, or even seeing someone for the first time, you can get a glimpse into their attitude by watching their countenance. Three aspects need to be considered:
1) To have a really accurate reading, consider facial expressions as simply an aspect within a cluster of other body language signs, gestures and posture. When they are all congruent, you are most likely getting an accurate reading. Point: Since facial expressions are triggered by emotion, they are hard to conceal…..it takes a very good actor to mask them with any degree of consistecy.
2) Keep in mind that at any given moment the person, just for that particular point in time, may be experiencing one of many emotions that might even be unrelated to the present circumstance; instead, potentially created by a flash-back of a previous emotional moment. All of this must be considered, so avoid jumping to conclusions too quickly.
3) While you are “reading” someone (assessing who they are and, even subconsciously, choosing how to associate with them), they will also be “reading” you. So, when you are mindful of your own facial expressions, you are consciously affecting the first impression you are creating. Caution: there are times when emotion takes over so strongly that your facial expressions will give you away, no matter what you do. Go ahead, don’t take my word for it. Give it a test. Smile when you are in excruciating pain, or when you can’t find your car keys and are going to be late for a crucial meeting; frown when you are overcome with joy; and/or be neutral when you look at something that truly disgusts you. I am sure you get the picture.
Take a situation where you run into an old friend. You say, "Hi, what’s up?" In most cases, you are likely to accompany this with a handshake, a hug or some other type of gesture. A change in facial expressions will most definitely occur from the moment you meet and greet until the time you part. The facial expression observed is often not one you are consciously controlling. Maybe it's that your facial expression reflects your negative mood of a few moments ago and you have a scowl on your face. This may give the other person the wrong impression and turn them off before anything has even been started. Clearly, this is where self-awareness and self-mastery come into play.
Let’s reflect on some examples: When you:
Subtly smile and narrow your eyes, you signal approval.
Close your eyes halfway, you will be perceived as suspicious.
Frown, you signal disapproval or even boredom.
Drop your jaw or raise your eyebrows, you are saying, "I don't believe it or perhaps “I’m amazed."
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Regardless of culture, the seven internationally recognized states of emotion seen through facial expressions are anger, contempt, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness and surprise. The degree of intensity displayed may differ due to cultural, or even individual, differences. In the latter case, personality, attitude and temperament play a role. When you are intent on creating your own persona, it is helpful to understand and monitor the expressions you reveal, and comprehend what you observe in others.
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