THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: What Do You Stand For?

The Stress of Success with Cinda Hocking, LMSW

We can easily tell people what we stand against. Listen to most people and their day is a litany of what went wrong – what they don’t like, don’t want, and don’t wish to experience. However, when it comes to turning the focus to what we stand for, we are usually far less prolific or articulate.

Watch your behavior for a day. How many times are your thoughts, words and actions focused on what is wrong, unsatisfactory, insufficient, disappointing, frustrating and ignorant both in others and within yourself? How many times a day are your thoughts words and actions about what is right, valuable, positive and true in others and in yourself? How many times are you looking backwards in regret or forward in fear at what was not or is not working instead of supporting and improving what is what is working and creating improved or new solutions?

Of course it is not helpful to deny or hide from the truth that there are serious challenges facing our world on all levels - from global issues to community crises to individual stressors. However, when the focus is only on the darkness, how can you bring light to the situation? Does staying overwhelmed by the admittedly daunting horror and sadness help create solutions to them? Or, do we need to find a way to keep moving forward?

By simply aligning with and being true to your own essence, showing what it is you stand for you start becoming an example of how to be a beacon in the darkness. Those flashes of light help inspire others to rise to their potential instead of fall into despair. We don’t need more Polly Annas or Chicken Littles. Denying and ignoring the dark side is just as foolish as indulging and succumbing to the dark side, and neither extreme helps us learn to live with more compassion.

There is a wealth of barely explored options and uncharted possibilities and human potential waiting to be developed. Yes, it is far more difficult to stay focused on solution building than it is to list what is wrong with the world. But, making things work better is infinitely more rewarding than complaining – but it takes work! When you are tempted to fall into the traps of depressive cynicism or deny the reality of suffering, balance yourself by realizing that unconscious conditioned reactions cause lots of problems in all areas of life, but we humans also have innate creativity and abilities to train ourselves to live a more balanced and harmonious life. Complaining is easy, pretending everything is fine is a bit harder, but the hardest and most rewarding work is to take charge and direct our lives consciously. Do one thing to show what you stand for. Starting Right Here Right Now.

Cinda Hocking, LMSW
Health and Wellness Lifestyle Counselor


For more information, please visit Cinda's TNNW Bio.



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THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: What Do You Stand For?

THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: How Do You Define Success?

The Stress of Success with Cinda Hocking, LMSW

When you think of a successful person, what attributes do they have? If you look at our values as they are reflected and influenced by advertising, our culture seems to define success primarily by the acquisition and retention of money and real estate, youthful good looks, stylish and expensive lifestyle items, and fame. While we all realize that money does not buy happiness, it is also obvious that it sure makes misery more tolerable!

The attributes and material possessions our culture rewards and encourages are very compelling, but what truly constitutes a “successful” human being? I ask clients about what defines “success” and they always list spiritually and personally fulfilling characteristics: good relationships, passion about work, commitment to an environmental or social cause, or dedication to developing something.

Busy, success-driven people are starting to realize that cultivating small but fulfilling daily experiences is just as important as working towards grand lifetime goals. They are exhausted and complain to me that their day-to-day pleasure in life has disappeared because they are too busy working towards acquiring and maintaining “success.” And even when professionals don’t feel successful, they are still running themselves ragged just to give the appearance that they are!

Whenever a client expressed an underlying pervasive feeling of being unsatisfied, I ask them about their vision/idea of a successful life. I ask what are fulfilling characteristics of each day, not just what are their big goals. We focus on whether the ideas and ideals they are trying to manifest are truly what they want or believe in. Is their vision updated to who they are now, or is it frozen in their past ideas of what they “should” do or be? Is the vision really theirs, or is it someone else’s? Are they sacrificing having a successful daily life in order to avoid a fearful future or achieve a future success?

Here is a simple awareness exercise, that if done consistently, will help you to discover (or rediscover) daily fulfillment and success. This practice is also referred to as “mindfulness”.

We all have daily activities, chores and tasks that we find necessary, but not particularly pleasurable. They are often done mindlessly or even with a sense of resentment and boredom. However, even routine activities can become fulfilling when you do them with awareness, noticing how they enrich your life and the lives of others. Every day practice noticing and observing how each action you perform utilizes, reflects or supports your values, interests and abilities. How do your daily actions help the people you care about, your community, the environment? As you build awareness, you will begin to do these activities with more and more attention and positive intention. As you do so, you also cultivate a real appreciation of each moment. Try it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Cinda Hocking, LMSW

Health and Lifestyle Counselor

http://cindahocking.blogspot.com

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THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: How Do You Define Success?

THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: Checking In With Yourself - What Is Success?

The Stress of Success with Sifu Cinda Hocking, LMSW

As you build your business, it is vital to take regular breaks at least monthly to reconnect with your business mission and objectives, re-evaluate them to see if they still hold true, and ask yourself if your business continues to contribute to your overall life purpose and goals.

Conventional wisdom tells us that the first few years of a business demand extra sacrifice, and that you will need to be almost entirely focused on it for it to succeed. Of course, hard work and dedication are needed to move your business forward, however it is equally important to take time periodically to remember the reason you have been building your business. Is it to create more income, more time at home or with family, to cultivate your creativity or passion, or to do something that you feel is important? Is the way you are working and the what you are doing still serving your purpose and goals?

You will be far less fulfilled by business success and far more shaken by business failures if the other important parts of your life, such as family/relationships, physical activity, and spiritual practice, are being put on hold or ignored. While you are busy building your business, all these other facets of life don't go away and still need your attention. This is not to say you should try to be everything to everybody – that is an impossible, ill-advised and overwhelming goal - but rather that you need to check in with yourself that these vital facets of your life are being attended to so they can continue to grow and thrive.

You could have a great business and family problems because you are never at home, or a great business and poor health because you don’t get enough sleep, exercise or good nutrition, and you could have a great business and a feeling of burn-out or emptiness anyway because you've allowed no time for your spiritual practice.

To avoid these common problems, keep checking in with yourself to see if you really are still on your chosen path. If you are, is it working for you, or not? If not, did you stray and need to get back on your path, or do you need to actually change your path?

This simple tool can help keep you on your purpose and goals and prevent you from falling prey to many of the usual challenges to a balanced life that come from building a new business.

Cinda Hocking, LMSW

Lifestyle and Wellness Counselor

Ann Arbor, MI

cindahocking.blogspot.com

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THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: Checking In With Yourself - What Is Success?

THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: Perspective is Key to Building Connections

The Stress of Success with Sifu Cinda Hocking, LMSW

We operate within many types of interconnected systems. Our planet is part of a solar system, and the earth is web of diverse living biological systems, social networks, organizations, and internet communities, to name a few. From our largest all-encompassing systems to our smallest personal relationships, there exists a multitude of intersecting and overlapping points.

One of the factors that most influences an individual’s ability to recognize, explore and develop their connections with others is simply what lens they are looking through, what perspective they choose to use in their search.

When we look at something through a microscope we see the details: we may notice how similar the building blocks are that make everything around and within us, but we also are able to see how the smallest differences in these building blocks can drastically alter appearance and functioning. The danger in this perspective is that all our differences can get magnified.

When we look through a telescope, we see the big picture we are all enmeshed in. This viewpoint can make the small differences seem far less important. Our focus may shift from the unique expressions of individual elements to the laws and principles that guide the whole. The danger in this perspective is that important small differences can be overlooked or minimized.

When we look at what is right in front of us through our eyes we see our routine everyday connections in our family, community, and workplace. It is tempting to think this perspective is the most accurate because it is the one we experience most frequently. It is the world as we are accustomed to seeing it. Our activities of daily living are the focus from this perspective. The danger in this perspective is that our vision can get a bit blurred so we only see what we expect to see, and resist anything that doesn’t fit.

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All these perspectives provide valuable information, and all create limitations when used alone. When you are creating and cultivating connections with others you need to understand what makes you the same, AND what makes you different. What makes you the same gives you a frame of reference, a common language and, ideally, a bond of shared experience. What makes you different gives you what you can learn from each other, what there is of value you can exchange, and how the relationship can contribute to mutual growth.

Ask yourself if you have been limiting your connections to those who are most similar to you. This group is comfortable and easy to be with, and it feels good to communicate and reflect shared values, ideas, and topics with them. This group is an important support network to have while building your skills, but they will not teach you to communicate with those whose life experience is substantially different.

Look for the links you have with those whose lives are different than yours. These links do exist, and can provide a foundation to build ongoing relationships. However, it is equally important to discover what there is of value to be shared in the differences between you. What do you need to learn from each other and what can you each provide in the relationship? In networking, you need to work to realize where the differences and diversity can be used to build something new, build bridges, and build something mutually beneficial.

Put on your microscope, your telescope and your glasses. They all provide you with information. Used together, they can provide an integrated view that creates amazing relationships.

Cinda Hocking, LMSW
Wellness Counselor and Internal Energy Plus Consultant
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THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: What's Stopping You?

The Stress of Success with Cifu Cinda Hocking

When you know what you are supposed to do for your business and think it should be done, yet it doesn’t get done, what is going on?

The number one reason we don’t do things is Low Desire. You may have great passion for the big picture mission of your business. You can envision it and see it in operation. However some of the day-to-day necessary, practical, and repetitive steps that are taken to get you there are decidedly not your passion. You may understand that these daily increments are important factors in building and maintaining business, but understanding alone does not make them happen. If you don’t like the activities and don’t want to do them, it is very easy to find reasons not to. Without motivation, it is easier to procrastinate, creatively avoid them and generally try to find ways to do everything else but give time and attention to daily maintenance and operations tasks.

In order to move forward and integrate these tasks into your business, you need to drill down to the essence of WHY you don’t like to do them. We all have loads of excuses, and we all have our share of laziness, but the core issue most often is that we don’t like doing something because it either make us uncomfortable or we find it boring. If you sit for a moment honestly looking at feelings of discomfort or boredom, what do you find? We don’t tend to do things unless we believe they are important AND we feel we have the ability to do (or learn to do) them. So, if the thought of a task makes you feel heavy, weighted down, or anxious – these are clues that you don’t find them important enough or don’t feel confident enough in your ability to perform them adequately.

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Not Sure It Is Important – when we think a business task isn’t important this can be because we are experiencing conflicting priorities. We see there is so much to do, so we take the most urgent and emergent and save the daily tasks…until they become urgent and emergent! Also, very creative or idea-based business owners can lose sight of the importance of operations and maintenance tasks because they often have more global and fewer linear/sequential skills.

Lack of Confidence in Skills – when we are better at the other tasks in our business, or doing the other tasks provides more immediate feedback/results that boost our self-esteem, that’s where we are going to focus our energy. If we are not sure we really understand the daily tasks, we may have a hard time asking for help, or feel that we should know how - and the fact that we don’t is embarrassing.

In order to truly get a handle on our business, we need to step away from rebelling against, withdrawing from or getting out of control towards the things that make us uncomfortable or bored. Instead, we need to spend time face-to-face with the feelings that the tasks bring up in us. This is challenging because we would rather not feel them! There may be better methods and formats to complete the dreaded tasks, better times of day for us, and better skills we could develop to tackle them. However, we won’t truly be able to embrace those unless we examine our true reasons for not doing the tasks in the first place.

Cinda Hocking, LMSW
Internal Energy Plus Consultant and Lifestyle Counselor
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THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: What's Stopping You?

THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: Starting a New Business Doing Something You “Love”

The Stress of Success with Sifu Cinda Hocking

Starting a New Business Doing Something You “Love”

Are you embarking on a new business venture? Maybe you have a hobby you’ve wanted to do full-time, perhaps you’ve decided to take action on a social or environmental issue, or maybe you have a creative side you want to cultivate and express. However it started, you have felt the urge to grow and change from your current work to something that has more meaning and purpose to you.

Now what? Envisioning the work we want to do is easy when you have a strong passion or purpose, but going from concept to implementation can be quite challenging. Why is this?

Besides the practical financial funding and logistical issues, there are several common stress-inducing fears that slow progress in new business endeavors:

#1 Leaving the Known

Taking a leap into a new business means going way outside the box of your “comfort zone” into the exploration and learning of what sometimes feels like the twilight zone! Besides being fired or laid-off, people tend to leave jobs because of: boredom, feeling trapped, overworked, unappreciated, and disliking the work environment. People starting their own business are either still searching for a niche for their skills, or are burnt-out with their career and are leaving something they are good at but don’t enjoy or something that pays well but isn’t rewarding. Whatever the reason for leaving, you are purposely saying goodbye to a known role and hello to change and uncertainty. Make sure to find others who have been there too and can provide you support, encouragement, and reminders of why you are doing it whenever needed to keep things moving forward.

#2 Taking It Personally

When you feel like your work expresses who you really are and what you really like to do, you are more emotionally invested in its success. Work becomes far more personal, so you also are more sensitive to how others react to it. When your work is your brainchild, any difficulties encountered can feel like rejections of your personal expression. The criticisms you receive tend to trigger reaction patterns conditioned from childhood. You need to watch carefully for these tendencies in yourself, and set up support and strategies to help you stay focused on constructive solutions.

#3 Having To Do It All

Working on your own means you have more responsibility, more power, and the need to have at least fair knowledge of the details of ALL areas of your business. You are now the business, not just staff or a contracted worker, so nothing happens unless you are driving it and participating in it. Leading your business requires the ability to do your research so you can recognize what you don’t know and what you need to learn in order to intelligently hire and supervise someone else to provide your business with the skills you don’t have. Finding these mentors, consultants, partners and colleagues is a vital part of reducing stress and increasing productivity.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that networking is the common feature to my stress-busting solutions. Networking is a key component in generating new energy and reducing the strain of starting a new business. By sharing ideas, stories and discussing co-ventures and cost-sharing possibilities, you will learn and grow much faster than trying to bear your challenges alone. Working with your networks is usually a better option than venting with friends or family who are often overly optimistic or pessimistic, instead of realistic. When you talk to others who have started their own businesses about these common pitfalls and see what strategies they have come up with to handle them, you get a better sense of the possible options. When stress tells you to fight (rebel), take flight (withdraw) or freeze (get depressed) instead of indulging or ignoring your fear, do some reality testing and solution building by contacting your network. Even when you don’t like or want to hear the advice you are given, you still will learn something that can help you get out of your dilemma. And, as my grandpa said, “a kick in the pants is still a step forward!”

Cinda Hocking, LMSW
Internal Energy Plus Consultant and Lifestyle Counselor
http://cindahocking.blogspot.com
http://www.internalenergyplus.com

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THE STRESS OF SUCCESS: Starting a New Business Doing Something You “Love”