Working Withinwith Leanne Hoagland-Smith
Empathy, the ability to acknowledge the feelings of another individual without agreeing with them, is a key skill in networking. Daniel Goelman in his book Working with Emotional Intelligence suggests that individuals with high empathy also have higher EQ (emotional intelligence). High EQ is a desired trait in leadership and in working with others.
This necessary skill of empathy is not isolated, but one that is combined with many other soft skills (people skills) or what I call self -leadership skills. Through this combination both skills are enhanced and truly improve the results.
So what does it take to be empathetic? Here are five behaviors that are necessary, in my opinion, to be able to demonstrate empathy.
Behavior #1 - First, I believe the willingness to have an open mind. This is probably the greatest challenge because of our inherent belief systems. These beliefs cloud our ability to be empathetic because they are in many cases subconscious and are happening without our conscious knowledge. Having an open mind is a behavior because it is demonstrated through our body language.
Behavior #2 - Second, a commitment to leave our own egos at the door. The desire to show that we are “right” as individuals whether it is been there done that or we know better. When we are truly empathetic, the focus is on the other person and not ourselves.
Behavior #3 - Third, active listening or what some now described as purposeful listening is critical. Unfortunately, even though many have engaged in some training and development around how to improve communication skills, active listening is still not at the level it needs to be. How many times do you have to repeat yourself to a fellow employee because he or she is truly not focused on hearing your request? And less us not forget, how many times have you asked someone to repeat something because you were not truly listening?
Behavior #4 - Fourth, follow-up is also part of empathetic behavior. For example, the other day a business owner called who was not a client, but who just wanted someone to listen and provide some insight. Given her state of distress, I invested 30 minutes to listen to what she believed was an overwhelming challenge. The following day I gave her a quick follow-up call to see how she was doing.
Behavior #5 - The final behavior is not confusing empathy with sympathy. When we are sympathetic, we not only understand, but agree to what is happening. This agreement may send the wrong message to the other person. We can be truly empathetic without being sympathetic. The challenge from a behavioral perspective is to make sure our actions (responses) do not create confusion. We do not want to become the "crying towel" for everyone else in the department or organization as that would affect our own productivity. Here is where strong communication skills are required not too mention some effective time management strategies.
Again, the goal of networking is to build mutually beneficial relationships. Networking within requires many skills. Empathy is one critical skill. Future columns will explore others. Leanne Hoagland-Smith author of Be the Red Jacket in a Sea of Gray Suits.
For more information, please visit Leanne's TNNW Bio.
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