HEADLINE: Insani-FREE: The Hidden Relationship Killer

by Adam J. Kovitz

CEO, Founder & Publisher

“At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.”

- Emo Phillips

WARNING! This column contains FREE information. Since it is FREE, it’s probably of little value and therefore, you have the following options:

1.) Stop reading now – while it might be FREE, it’s probably a waste of time – we all know that anything of value must COST A LOT OF MONEY

2.) Discover what the “catch” is – is there really something of value here that’s being offered? – what’s Adam getting at? (besides ending sentences with prepositions)

3.) Pay me a large sum of money out of spite and continue reading, or

4.) Pay me a large sum of money to shut me up (good luck with that).

I have important and grim news for all who have the courage to read on…

…this planet is suffering from a “hidden killer”…

…it often comes disguised as something useful and welcome, but always (and eventually) gets us in the end…

I’m talking about “FREE”.

OK…it’s not that the term itself is to blame, but rather our common misinterpretation and lack of understanding of its implications that leads us into very dark water. My article this month is about understanding such implications.

What does this have to do with networking?

EVERYTHING.

Bait and Switch?

How often have you downloaded FREE virus/spyware/adware/registry error scanning software, and receiving the scan for FREE, to find that the viruses/spyware/adware/registry errors detected can only be removed if you agree to purchase of a one-year license of the actual software?

How about getting FREE alarm system (an $X value!) if you agree to purchase of a one year contract for home monitoring?

How about a FREE entrée at your favorite restaurant if you agree to purchase of another at equal or greater value?

Last but not least…a FREE 3-day, 2-night getaway to a fabulous resort if you agree to a “short” sale presentation?

Just what exactly is going on here…has the world gone mad?

What’s wrong with these companies? Why can’t they just give us something ABSOLUTELY FREE WITHOUT ANY OTHER STRINGS ATTACHED? WHY MUST I AGREE TO ANYTHING ELSE?

The immediately proceeding dialog is more a caricature of an attitude you have most likely experienced in your life at some point – whether you’ve noticed it within others or yourself. It is indicative of what I call “Insani-FREE”; an “insanity” around or at best, a misunderstanding of the term “FREE”.

Understanding “FREE”

To understand “FREE”, we must first ask the question, “Why do we do anything for FREE?”

This is much like saying, “Why do we do anything nice for someone else?”

The answer comes down simply to “increase Relationship Capital”, or as it is more commonly-known, “to build a better relationship”.

The reasons for increasing Relationship Capital (RC) can mean anything from making a friend, deriving a future revenue source, gaining sponsorship or backing to fund one’s dream, finding a new career opportunity, being seen more favorably and much, much more.

In this way, “FREE”, is one way of initiating a relationship – it’s an invitation (or offer) to enter a relationship, if you will. But for there to be a relationship (last time I checked, it was a “two-way street”), every invite must elicit a response (or agreement). Therefore, a response to an invite is an agreement to participate. Does this sound familiar to you? Can you think of a fundamental Law of the Universe to which this is a direct application?

Some people call it the Law of Reciprocity. Others call it the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as they would do unto you”. Being a “recovering engineer and rocket scientist”, I usually look to Newtonian Physics to explain such phenomena.

In previous writings about the Laws of Relationship Capital, I have shown that RC behaves in a way that is Newtonian (see the Fourth Law of Relationship Capital for more). In this case, Newton’s Third Law comes to mind:

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

When we fall victim to Insani-FREE, we fail to make this crucial connection. But wait…there’s more…

“FREE” Body Diagrams

One common engineering principal used to identify the components of any working system (mechanical, thermodynamic, electrical, hydraulic, etc.) is to model said system by using a free body diagram (FBD). Without getting too overly-technical (this is a business and social networking publication for heaven’s sake), here’s what a typical FBD looks like for a block of wood at rest on a table would look like:

By the term “at rest”, this block is considered to be static, and therefore all forces (signified by a capital “F”) acting upon it are equally balanced, both horizontal and vertical. If any one force acting upon the block of wood were to be greater than its opposing counterpart, then the block would begin to accelerate in the same direction as the greater force.

If we applied this to a human relation-based system, here’s what it might look like:

What this shows is a brand new relationship (or the rekindling of a long lost one – see the Fifth Law of Relationship Capital for more) with two equal and opposite forces acting upon it. The first (on the bottom) is an invitation or offer (let’s just say it’s a FREE one) and the second (on the top) is and equal and opposite response to it. What we have here has the potential to be the “start of a beautiful friendship”.

A few months ago, I wrote an article about Relationship Capital in the Workplace, in which I described the Relationship Capital Value (RCV) of individuals, products, organizations, relationships, etc. as having a value from -10 to 10, with -10 being highly unfavorable and 10 being highly favorable. Please note that these values are based solely upon the perceptions of all parties involved with the relation-based system.

In the above illustration we show a new relationship (with a neutral RCV status of zero) being acted upon by two equal and opposite reputational forces. This is great as far as illustrating a static relationship. In the case of a FREE offer (with the underlying motivation to make a sale), the object is to move the RCV from zero into the positive range through the timeless human principles of motivation, rhetoric, debate, manipulation, reasoning, banter, active listening, etc.

Therefore, the relationship must be made dynamic to increase RCV. How does one do this? By applying more force than that which is opposing it in such a way that is agreeable to the opposing force.

Real World Dynamic Relationships

Have you ever felt that you have put everything into a relationship (bent over backwards, was gracious, more than accommodating to others, given high-quality referrals) to improve it only to have it deteriorate because the other person or people involved didn’t reciprocate?

Have you ever felt that despite having considerably high amounts of Relationship and/or Intellectual Capital (who and what you know) you have not been able to leverage that into sufficient Financial Capital?

Where was Newton’s Third Law here?

How about the Ninth Law of Relationship Capital: Financial Capital is merely a reflection of and cannot exist without some combination of Relationship and Intellectual Capital?

Let’s take a look at what that might look like:

In this case, we have a “give and take” situation in which the “taking” is reducing RCV. There are several reasons for why this might happen – some of which are:

1. The invitation/offer does not meet the needs of the other party, which might spark a strong adverse reaction, such as an insult
2. The invitation/offer is overly aggressive to the point where the other party must counter with a stronger opposing response
3. The invitation/offer is not appreciated by the other party and is met with lack of interest or apathy (yes…lack of interest or apathy can be a powerful reputational force)
4. A misunderstanding in the perceived reputational force of the invitation/offer may cause a stronger opposing response due to mistrust or fear, a.k.a. Insani-FREE!!!
   
5. The party behind the opposing responsive force wishes ill will upon the opposing party – perhaps seeking to “make an example” of them.

There are probably other reasons for why this phenomenon occurs and I will either leave this for the psychologists and other armchair philosophers out there or I may decide to tackle such issues myself in subsequent articles. Regardless, the real question to ask is, “how to we overcome such a loss in RCV?”

For the answer, we turn to Newton’s Second Law: Objects at rest tend to stay at rest unless acted upon by an outside force and objects in motion tend to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.

In mathematical terms, this is written as:

F = m * a

Where:

F is force

m is mass, and

a is acceleration.

In my discussion of the Fourth Law of Relationship Capital I apply this principle to networking (human-based relationship systems) as such:

F = Rm * Im

Where:

F is reputational force

Rm is reputational mass, and

Im is impact (the acceleration of RC, or for those mathematically-inclined, the second derivative of RC).

Therefore, if we wish to oppose, counter and reverse any negatively-declining RCV in any relationship we wish to preserve, we must apply a much stronger reputational force. This means:

1.) Increasing reputational mass, i.e. getting friends, family, contacts, followers, team members, co-workers into agreement to aid us, and/or

2.) Increasing impact through a stronger message, an ultimatum, physical means, etc.

The implications of this are considerable. Imagine being able to estimate and model the reputational force of social, political, marketing and managerial initiatives. What impact might this type of analysis have upon our lives?

My thinking is that this would increase awareness of identifying a stimulus or improved result, analyzing various scenarios and choosing the best response in order to increase RCV. I believe that all too often, we fail to take into consideration the intangible, yet most-important “human element” in our equations, calculations and plans.

One thing’s for sure…

…you will never look at a FREE offer the same way again!

Adam J. Kovitz is the CEO, Founder & Publisher of The National Networker (TNNW).

Follow Adam on Twitter!

The Emergence of the Relationship Economy

Relationship Capital is the cornerstone of the Relationship Economy, which RNIA defines as “a measurement assigned to individual and organizational entities based on the relationship interactions between them, and the interactions they have internally.” I am proud to have contributed discussion of the Ten Laws of Relationships Capital to the upcoming book The Emergence of the Relationship Economy, now out as an eBook and in hardcopy. With a forward written by Doc Searls (of Cluetrain Manifesto fame), it is being considered a “must read” for anyone responsible for the strategic direction of their business. If you would like to purchase your own copy of The Emergence of the Relationship Economy, please click here.

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Posted to THE NATIONAL NETWORKER (TNNW). All rights reserved.

To subscribe for your free TNNW Newsletter, go to http://www.thenationalnetworker.com/ For the complete National Networker (TNNW) Relationship Capital Toolkit and a free continuous RSS feed (available either by traditional RSS or by direct email), go to: http://thenationalnetworkerweblog.blogspot.com/

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HEADLINE: Insani-FREE: The Hidden Relationship Killer

TNNW Bulletin and Updates, June, 2009, Week 1

Major Developments, Forward Motion, Events and Actionable Items: TNNW - We ARE Networking

June 6, 2009

Bulletin # 18

*PUTTING THE TIN BACK INTO BULLETIN*

*We are a unique organization that offers our Subscribers and Members: 1) fabulous information, insight and intelligence in our Newsletter and through our continuous RSS and Email Feeds, 2) an unparalleled suite of services and products for making you personally and professionally successful, and 3) an actual interpersonal community where Human Beings work together in cooperation and synergy to achieve exponential returns.

When you become a Member of TNNW you haven't merely joined a list, or gotten access to products and services...you've joined a Strategic Alliance. We are an organization dedicated to making our Members successful.

THE NATIONAL NETWORKER is more than talk about networking and media -- we are about connections, team-bulding, personal introductions, constructive interactivity and RELATIONSHIPS.

• Our free Newsletter: The highest quality standard in the industry -


• Our Suite of Services For Members: Unparalleled quality, utility and value -


• Our Community: We are an international organization, comprised of Subscribers and Members who truly interact, communicate, build strong relationships and promote and support each other for every individual's financial and social benefit. Relationship Capital.

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1. A NEW BUTTON (YEP)

If you look at the bottom of any of our articles, you will notice a whole set of new applications to save, bookmark re-publish, broadcast, email, comment about, rate, follow, subscribe to or promote any of our authors, any of their articles, or the whole Newsletter. Look for the buttons and use them. Promote TNNW, our authors, and yourself.

*The newest button is a lavender one which says "Submit This Article To Yahoo! Buzz". The great news is that you can use this button to promote your own articles, websites, blogs, baby photo albums, and anything else that you'd like! Promote TNNW. Promote our authors. Promote yourself, your brand and your products and services. The Trick: Click on the button, submit an url address, and then click on the "back" button to make another submission. Make as many consecutive successive submissions as you'd like. You can spend an hour. Watch out for carpal tunnel syndrome. Please don't tell the folks at Yahoo! about this.

2. [THIS SECTION INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK]

Doesn't this annoy the heck out of you. When you see this in a prospectus or other legal document, they always leave some page or section blank. What are they hoping to fill it with? Worse: What were they compelled to delete? Hmmmm.

3. SITES TO SEE AND FAVORITIZE

For a complete sitemap and index of all of our sites, simply click on http://tnnwindex.blogspot.com/, and FAVORITIZE. {yes, yes...the page name sounds like a window cleaner} Keep this handy - when you're on any page, look for the INDEX TO TNNW SITES button to return to the Index at any time.

Visit http://tnnw10.blogspot.com/, and FAVORITIZE. We have UPDATED our listing of advertisers, affiliates and services. There are some deep promotional discounts and other advantages exclusively for TNNW subscribers. Look for ChapterTracker, Andy Lopata's 2 CD set, and, of course for Douglas Castle's exciting, self-serving and extremely bothersome new ad for THE CASTLE CONSULTANCY. If you are curious as to what Douglas does (outside of TNNW) -- He works very closely with young, growing enterprises on strategic planning and development. He is relentless, determined and demanding; on the bright side, he has good table manners. Visit DOUGLAS CASTLE PUSHES PEOPLE TOO HARD, for more details. Visit - but don't visit alone.

FAVORITIZE this one: http://tnnwservices.blogspot.com/ . See why it pays to become a full-fledged Member.

CUSTOM TEXT-MESSAGING PROGRAMS: TNNW offers its Members the best state-of-the-art text messaging services for announcing/broadcasting, sending alerts and for advertising to a captive audience...we might walk away from our computers, but we are always carrying our cellphones or PDAs! Visit http://tnnw4.blogspot.com/. This is the most efficient means of getting any message out to a targeted group with immediacy and impact. R U TXTING? U S/B.


4. FACT: HOW YOU DEAL WITH FEAR WILL MAKE YOU EITHER A LOSER OR A WINNER - Christine West's Critically-Acclaimed Webinar Series.
The primary motivating force in most people's lives is FEAR. People respond more readily to fear than to opportunity. Fear holds us back, inhibits us, makes us indecisive, attracts negative energies (misery loves company), and keeps us from reaching our potential, both personally and in business.

Question: Are you going to saddle up and ride the shark... or be eaten by it?

Question: Are you going to surf on the tidal wave or be crushed by the tsunami?

Question: Can you possibly think of any more ridiculous metaphors than these? If so, you might consider becoming an Newsletter editor for The National Networker.

TNNW Featured Columnist, noted consultant and speaker, Christine West is hosting a fabulous five-part webinar series called How To Master The Fear In Challenging Economic Times. The series begins in July -- it was originally scheduled to begin on June 9, but we thought that if we deferred it, your anxiety level would be increased.

Subscribe today for this 5-part webinar series at MASTER THE FEAR. Don't let the self-imposed limitations of fear stand between you and complete business and financial success. Invest in your future today! Christine West is a brilliant social scientist -- give yourself the gift of conquering your fears forever.

Seminar-related materials will be widely-circulated during the next several days -- you will need to register early. How you deal with fear can transform every aspect of your life.

Whether or not you are aware of it, fear has kept you from achieving many of your goals...it has kept you from maximizing your life's potential and realizing the victory and success that you deserve. Christine will teach you how to 1) identify those times when you may be making a dangerous fear-based decision; 2) set the fear aside and proceed confidently; and 3) how to see the fear in others and to change the way in which you communicate in order to gain their confidence.

***To hear a sample voice clip of Christine West, simply click on: http://www.thebusinessmd.net/downloads/TheBusinessMD-Interview-Business-Corner-09.mp3.

Note: If you do not believe that you are being motivated by fear, and you are not convinced that your responses to fear have allowed you to be manipulated and have limited your success, then you are in a state of denial! Real fear can be very subtle, and very elusive. We are conditioned from birth to be fearful, and we must absolutely be professionally trained to 1) recognize when we are being influenced by fear, and 2) to react constructively and positively despite it. You, you friends, your colleagues, your employees...every individual needs this special training. SIGN UP FOR THE WEBINAR. It will change your life. What are you afraid of? --DC

5. REMINDER: DAILY EMAIL AND RSS FEEDS

Oh, how many times we've told you... You're missing out. To get the full benefit of THE NATIONAL NETWORKER and all that we have to offer, you MUST subscribe to either the RSS FEED or the EMAIL feed. Please do it now in order to keep your free subscription! Click on:

or on

It's really quite simple. If you actually do it, you'll find out that this is indeed true. By the way, the email feed, which contains all of the content of the RSS Feed as well, is the more popular of the two by a significant margin. I personally prefer the Daily Email Feed. Plus, I can forward copies of articles which I like to my colleagues.

If you do this now, I may be able to spare you a personal telephone call (collect) from Adam J. Kovitz (who loves to see his name in print), a very persuasive fellow. He is every bit as convincing as he is annoying. I say this from experience. Do as Kovitz asks, or he will wear you down! How do you think it got me to work for him? It wasn't his charm, or his collection of bibs from seafood restaurants of the world. Please -- do this.

6. GET A FREE TWITTER ACCOUNT AND FOLLOW TNNW ON TWITTER. TWITTER US. BUZZ TNNW UP. BUZZ YOURSELF UP. LET TNNW BUZZ YOU!

You can get your free Twitter account by going to http://twitter.com/. As soon as you do, start following us and following other Twitterers of interest.

You are cordially invited to follow TNNW (and we will follow you back) on Twitter at http://twitter.com/TNNW_BUZZWORKS. Also, remember to take a look at the TNNW BUZZWORKS page (http://tnnwbuzzworks.blogspot.com/).

If you talk us up, we'll give you and your organization more cross-media exposure and SEO exposure than all of your best friends combined. If you would like to follow Kovitz or Castle on Twitter, go to http://twitter.com/ajkovitz or http://twitter.com/douglascastle ...we'll even follow you, too. Twitter us. Re-Tweet us. Buzz us.

Note: If you write anything nice about TNNW, our Newsletter, our blog, our services, or our authors, go to http://tnnwbuzzworks.blogspot.com/ and tell us about it. There is a pop-up form where you can give us the url address of your kind words, and we'll give you a buzz back that will knock you out of your shoes. In fact, on the form, we even give you space to write what you would like us to say about you, your service, product or organization. Create your own buzz ad.

When we buzz you back, our buzz all about you will fly repeatedly through an ever-expanding circle of social and business media, opt-in subscribers and other internet venues. In fact, before even figuring in the reverberations, our buzzed message about you will literally be seen by millions of viewers. The bad news is this: 99% of these viewers won't really care. The good news is this: if you only capture the attention of 1%...we'll leave it to you to do the math. Take advantage.

Your buzz will be brief, catchy and very widely and repeatedly seen. Our BUZZWORKS program is designed to get your buzz out to an audience of millions within one day. Each day after that, the buzz will continue to ricochet (did we spell that right?). Your single buzz will be in flight for days. Our programming is fabulous -- and, by saying something nice about us, you can leverage our programming to your incredible advantage.

*Remember: Print something nice, and then please tell us about it at http://tnnwbuzzworks.blogspot.com/ . We will reciprocate exponentially.

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Enjoy the articles, and enjoy all of our TNNW sites. We have so much to offer each other. Let's get to know each other. Let's actually build solid relationships. Let's become friends. Let's help one another to prosper. Nobody does it completely alone. Get proactive. Build your Relationship Capital with THE NATIONAL NETWORKER. Write to us or comment on an article to get the ball rolling. We are a community, and our numbers and influence are growing.

Yours,

Adam J. Kovitz* (mostly) and Douglas Castle (to a lesser extent).

*Adam J. Kovitz seeks gratification constantly (the result of some unresolved childhood issues -- we all have them), and he loves to see his name in print, unless it is on utility bills, subpoenas to testify before Congress, and so forth. Please help assuage him. Pander to him -- it wouldn't hurt. Mention his name on your websites, blogs, newsletters, communion invitations, Bingo cards, restroom stall grafitti and such. As for me, I'll shall endeavor to carve Adam's name into a tree! I hope that Adam's next-door neighbor won't be too upset.

THE NATIONAL NETWORKER (TNNW):
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TNNW Bulletin and Updates, June, 2009, Week 1

ASIA PACIFIC: Assumptions

by Victor Cattermole

Asia Pacific Bureau Chief

Over the last month I’ve been giving some serious thought to the power and persuasion that a simple assumption has over people. We have all done it, assumed something that turns out to be wrong, chosen not too look closer perhaps because “we know already” or even more likely because we are too busy too care. Three separate incidents have spurred me to question my assumptions though, one small, one big, and one personal.

The small, well perhaps not so small (with over 50 million web views) is the british singer Susan Boyle on Britains got Talent. And in fact many of the performers on shows like that. Ms Boyle is a great example, an amazing voice looked over for so many years because of what, I have no doubt, is a great many assumptions. Because surely no-one with a voice like that simply hides away, and so no-one went to look (until now).

The second is the global crisis we find ourselves in now. Not so much the crisis itself, but the news coming through that we should have seen it coming, that the writing was on the wall and that so many people simple assumed that the world would continue rising. Technically it could be considered ‘business confidence’, which is just a nice way of saying we are willing to assume things are still going to be going well in the future. I have the blessing of living in Hong Kong, where so many markets are assumption based that there were still apartment complex launches, even as the global market turned in on itself.

The third great example is a friend and fellow New Zealander Denyse Saunders. I chose her as an example of what assumptions can do for one simple reason, she blonde, beautiful and was a cat walk and fashion model. So easy to put her in to a category that by many business people would be dismissed. Denyse has built a following and credibility in the business of fashion and beauty based on simple moral principals she holds that is the envy of many.

Her achievements are too many to list, they can be found on her website http://www.denysesaunders.com/index.html Some of the great ones for me include:

· Being a 50 year old grandmother and looking 30 something with no surgery

· Over a decade of successful involvement in Miss World contestants

· Numerous celebrity involvement including people like Elle McPherson and Julio Iglesias, the list goes on.

· Her own weekly TV show on SKY TV

When it comes to event design, marketing and production Denyse has an extensive network of contacts at all levels and is unquestionably the Australasian provider of quality. A real gem in the Pacific.

Through her life she has built herself up to be a great businesswomen, a great networker and a great person. I can only wonder as I talk with her and listen to some of her wisdom, how many people may have written this woman off in her life as “just some blonde” or “just that model”. How many of the business men that ogled her on the cat walk assumed so much about her that they failed to see the amazing and gifted person behind the glitz and glamour.

It is a lesson all business people should take, especially in these tougher economic times, that sometimes taking a second look, giving just a moment of your time and pushing aside any preconceived ideas can uncover things you may have never thought possible.

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Posted to THE NATIONAL NETWORKER (TNNW). All rights reserved.

To subscribe for your free TNNW Newsletter, go to http://www.thenationalnetworker.com/ For the complete National Networker (TNNW) Relationship Capital Toolkit and a free continuous RSS feed (available either by traditional RSS or by direct email), go to: http://thenationalnetworkerweblog.blogspot.com/

You are also invited to click our buttons:




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ASIA PACIFIC: Assumptions