JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XXII: The Gift of Asking!

JetNetting with Heshie Segal

Asking for help: I bet you have never thought of it as a way of giving and thus expanding your network.

For most of us, it is easier to give than to receive. We see someone in need; we are ready to help. Have a challenge? We are there to offer a solution. Need a connection? We can help make one for you. It is so natural to give, especially for those who are good connectors. And these people are the same ones who frequently shrink into the background at the very thought of asking someone else for help.

I guess this would be an appropriate time to confess. That description used to fit me to a tee (and yes, there are times when I still revert to that tendency). “I do not want to bother anyone, or perhaps more importantly, I do not want anyone to think there is something I can not do. After all, I have to maintain my ‘superwoman’ image. It could be devastating for anyone to find out I was a mere mortal.” Or so I thought. (Some of you are shaking your heads right now. This is you! Right? If so, it is time to reconsider.)

I did not realize, with the beliefs I held, I was creating a wall others could not penetrate. I would help them and I would not let them reciprocate. I did not even realize how selfish I was being. After a while, I “embarrassed them away,” because the relationship was obviously so one sided. They would stop accepting help and my network slowly diminished, simply by me being too “helpful” and not a reciprocating friend. (I am not implying that you should NOT help; just that we live in a world of innate reciprocity). I also must mention the importance of recognizing there are some people who don’t mind being in a one-sided relationship, which demands that we create boundaries around how much we do.

In 1996, my life changed when a doctor cut my foot in the wrong place. Six weeks on crutches turned into 10 months in a wheelchair.

Sidebar: Imagine yourself, for the moment, being in a wheelchair. This is not an experience you would purposely choose and, it is one that would give you a new perspective and a greater appreciation for what you already possess – two working limbs you use everyday. If you were wheelchair-bound, what resources would you have?

Would you have someone who could devote the time and energy to take care of your all-consuming needs?

Would you feel like you were imposing if you had to ask for help?

How about when you felt like a nuisance if you had to ask for help from the same person, repeatedly?

If you answered “none” and “no” to the first two questions and “yes” to the last two, then you are like most people who don't notice their support network, and don't easily ask for help.

In my case I absolutely needed help and was forced to ask for it. Terror set in. Really! It was almost easier for me to crawl up and down steps and go hungry than it was to ask for help.

Fortunately, I was working with a coach who encouraged me to actually step out of my self-imposed box. It was not easy. And it did work. There were hurdles, and with time, I became braver and more forthright with asking for help.

There is one challenge that stands out for me above nearly all others. Initially it brought me to tears, then to the realization. I could actually help others by asserting my will and asking for help at the same time. It is a personal story from my past that changed my thinking. My hope is, by sharing it, it will open your eyes and enhance your life as well.

The person I was dating was going to Spain on a business trip. Everyone was bringing a spouse or significant other. I wanted to go. I was in a wheelchair. He was worried about my being an imposition for the wives of the other VP’s of this international company. “They'll feel obligated to take care of you,” he said. I was quite unhappy about this focus on his embarrassment by me potentially being a burden, rather than a happy companion. My self-sufficient nature answered back, “I can take care of myself. I can wheel myself around while you are in meetings.” He was clearly only thinking of his image. I was clearly thinking this relationship was about to end!

After several weeks of debate, I did accompany him to Spain. It was not going to be easy and yet, it was doable.

Test #1. Day One: The wives and the teens in the group asked me to join them on the tours. They insisted they would not go without me because I was the only one who spoke and understood some Spanish. After all, they had to eat and I could translate the menu! I was a little concerned about the uneven roads and unpaved walkways, and decided to go for it. They took turns pushing and even riding in my chair. After the first day, a light bulb seemed to go off for every one of them. They thanked me for being brave enough to come on the trip. They had never understood the challenges of being in a wheelchair and this gave them the opportunity to be of service. I was amazed at how helpful the teens were and how very important the bond was to them. It was all about being of service, leading to relationship building.

Test #2. The lack of ramps and the daunting steps that would have to be climbed during the group events were frightening. Again, I was either not going to participate or I would need help. That’s when the challenge began. It’s not what you are thinking. It was amazing. The macho men in the group actually argued over who was going to get to carry me up the steps (in the wheelchair). I got to be their workout session. And yes, there were times I was a bit tense when they had a contest to see who could push me the furthest and the fastest.

What I learned on that trip was I was not invincible. I needed to ask for help and not be super-woman. Also, I had given people the gift of serving me as well as an opportunity to understand the needs of a challenged individual.

From this story, I hope you have gleaned the importance of asking and how it can be a true gift. If you are one who is afraid to ask for help or you just don’t like to impose, well, it’s time to get over it! Challenge yourself. Take 21 days and ask someone for help each day. Be specific. It doesn't have to be a difficult request to fulfill. You could even use Twitter and do a shout out: “Is there anyone out there who can help me with ... ?”

In building relationships, there must be a flow of give and take. Do your share of each and watch your influence in both arenas expand exponentially.

If you need help, e-mail me at HeshieSegal@JetNettingConnection.com. And we’ll see what I can do for you. In turn, when I need help, I too will know another loving soul in my life to call upon. What an awesome world we live in!


For more information, please visit Heshie's TNNW Bio.

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JETNETTING: The First Impression Factor XXII: The Gift of Asking!

BEYOND NETWORKING: BEING: 13 Ways to Create Impact

Beyond Networking: Being with Ron Sukenick

Are you making the most from the contacts you're making?

How often do you go out, meet people, and for whatever reason, nothing happens?

Think about it. Do you consciously plan or map out what you're looking to accomplish?

In most cases, people go out to network with no real goal in mind. They simply do it for the joy of interaction. Now, I’m not putting down the concept of interacting because as you and I know, if it wasn’t for having some fun at it we would never do it. So you make a lot of contacts but the relationship never really goes anywhere.

Did you ever think about why?

And while we can make all the contacts in the world, wouldn’t it be great to know more about how we can convert contacts into purposeful connection? As a way to help you in the process, listed below you’ll find some tips on how to do just that.


13 ways to help you create impact at the point of interaction

1. Contribute – Always share ideas, information and your resources with others.
   


2. Make it a small world – Everyone you meet has something in common with you. Your job is to find out what that is. In helping you to make it a small world, always mention the names of people, places and things. You’ll be amazed on how people will respond when they find that you have experienced something or know someone in common.
   


3. Take interest in others – By investing a little time in research prior to your following up on a contact you made, you’d be amazed at the impact upon your follow-up phone call. Go to any of your favorite search engines and be amazed at what might come up for you to read. Once found, mention to the person you're following up with what you found as you were surfing the net. They will love that you took the time to learn more about who they are. In exchange, they will be more open to learning more about who you are.
   


4. Link one relationship to another – The power has been and always will be in making the connection for others. Do what you can to link one relationship to another.
   


5. Shorten learning curves – Learn to provide information to someone in need at that very moment that request is made.
   


6. Listen three times as much – When you speak, you learn what you know. When you listen, you learn what they know. Need I say anything more?
   


7. Look & comment about their business card – Quite often people exchange business cards and without even looking at it. Consider looking at it and commenting on something you see on the card. The person in front of you will love the attention.
   


8. Be passionate about your work – Having a passion for the work that you do is contagious. Learn to express yourself as though your life relied on it.
   


9. Find your reason for being – If you're going to go about building relationships with others, it’s important that you self reflect and strengthen the relationship with yourself. Find your reason for being.
   


10. Connect their goals to people you know – Another form of linking relationships to one another. Once you determine what they're looking to accomplish, simply make the connection with others that you know that might be able to move what their wanting to accomplish forward. Think of this as an act of kindness.
    


11. Connect the dots – Connecting the dots is your ability to recall information that helps to clarify one’s intention for moving forward.
    


12. Take the moment and dance with it – Being in the present will always create impact when being with others. Make every effort to be with the person in front of you. Eliminate any possible thoughts going through your mind that is not directly related to the conversation and person your with.
    


13. Follow-up – Know that just being there is not enough. You must have a solid system for creating a persistent presence. This is where most people fall down. They meet people and do nothing with the information. You must follow-up and do so within 48 hours or less. With you being one of the only people following up from the event you recently attended, you’ll surely get their attention for future opportunities.
    

Ron Sukenick
Business Advisor / Relationship Strategist / Author / Connector
rs@ronsukenick.com
www.ronsukenick.com
317-216-8210
Check out my Radio Podcast’s
http://www.smallbizamerica.com/beyond

Let's get connected on LinkedIn
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/ron-sukenick/0/226/20a

“Certified Human Behavior Consultant”
Nominated 2009 "America's Most Influential Business Connector"

For more information, please visit Ron's TNNW Bio.

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BEYOND NETWORKING: BEING: 13 Ways to Create Impact

NETWORK LIKE A PRO: Fishing for Referrals

Network Like A Pro with Dr. Ivan Misner

Just like fishing, the process of meeting people, staying in touch, and then asking for their business is something you can do time and time again.

But do referrals happen by accident?

A few years ago, a longstanding member of a business networking organization was talking about canceling his membership—not because he wasn’t getting enough referrals, but because he was getting too much business.

That’s right. Despite a full year of getting great referrals, Steve’s friend, Mike, didn’t feel that the results proved that networking was a viable business strategy for getting more referrals. He felt that the business he got was based on “chance occurrences”—one person knowing another, who happened to know him—and despite the fact that he kept getting these referrals as a result of his networking contacts, it couldn’t possibly last. So he left the group.

Even though Mike’s misguided reasoning led him down the wrong road, it raises a good question, and understanding the answer could help your business. The question is simply this: Despite the chance nature of networking, is meeting more people something you can count on as a consistent means of getting more business?

Mike’s challenge boiled down to two things: repeatability and understanding. His training told him that the way to get more business was to target a certain kind of customer by calling people from a demographics-based list. If he didn’t have enough business, he needed to make more calls. How many more? He could figure that out, too, because the amount of business he got was directly proportional to the number of people he talked to. It was a repeatable process that he fully understood.

On the other hand, clients he got from referrals always had a story line that he couldn’t see being repeated. Sally knew Jim, who ran into Sue, who happened to be in his group and referred Mike the business. This led Mike to conclude that the results were coincidental and couldn’t possibly be repeated.

Mike’s reasoning wasn’t entirely off track, as far as it went. If you focused on the specific people who gave you the referral, rather than the process and relationships that allowed it to happen, then no, you couldn’t consistently get more business from networking. Or to put it another way: Sally knowing Jim, who runs into Sue and ultimately gives Mike a referral is probably never going to happen again in exactly that way. But if you step back and ask, “Is it possible that somebody will know someone else who’s looking for my services and will then give me that referral?” Well, that’s a whole other story—especially if you focus on building relationships so that there’s always a “somebody.”

What led Mike astray was this: he was thinking about hunting when he should have been thinking about fishing.

A Long and Winding Road

To understand how getting referrals is a lot like fishing, you need to look at the process from a different perspective. When it comes to networking and passing referrals, it’s not about who’s giving what to whom. At no point in this article do we say, “For every referral you give, you can expect one in return.” Nor do we say that when you hand out more referrals, other business professionals will automatically do the same. It just doesn’t work that way.

Think of referral giving in the context of the Abundance Mindset (see NETWORKING SUCCESS: You Can Have an Unlimited Supply of Referrals!), which is the awareness that there’s more than enough business to go around. If you hear of a business opportunity that would be well suited for a referral partner—in other words, not your kind of business, but hers—think of it as “excess business.” When you pass this kind of excess business to others in the form of a referral, you’ll wind up attracting more prospects who want to work with you.

Call it an act from the referral gods. When you do good things for others, those good things have a way of making their way back to you—often from a different person or group of people. Even if it seems that you’re not benefiting from the referrals you’re giving to others, take note of all the other business that “just happens” to come your way:

• The guy who stumbles across your website and gives you a call.
  


• The old prospect you haven’t heard from in months who suddenly wants to get together for lunch.
  


• The inactive client who wants to renew his contract with you.
  

Even though it seems happenstance, some or all of that is likely to be new business you attracted by giving away other business (in the form of referrals) to people you know.

Networking with a Net

Referral networking is a lot like catching fish by casting a net. Each fish comes to the net by a different path; each has a “story” that is not repeated. You don't’t focus on a particular fish and then try to get it to come to the net—in fact, you usually don’t even see the fish until you pull in the net. Instead, you focus on the action of setting the net. You know that if you set your net correctly and consistently, fish will eventually come, no matter what path they take to get there.

The same is true for getting referrals. The process of meeting people, staying in touch, and then asking for their business is something you can do time after time. You don’t have to worry about how a specific referral got to you, because you understand the process of setting your net.

And here’s the best part: Just as with fishing, your net can be working for you all the time. You don’t have to be there whenever someone you know runs into someone else who could use your services—which means you can be “fishing” in many different ponds simultaneously and reaping tons of new business. This is especially true when you’ve become a referral gatekeeper and begin to get referrals not only from your own network of contacts but from the networks of others as well.

When it comes to networking, there is no coincidence about referrals. They’re the inevitable cumulative result of the day-to-day activities of relationship building. And even though they can’t be measured as easily as cold calls, the results are far more powerful.

Called the "father of modern networking" by CNN, Dr. Ivan Misner is a New York Times bestselling author. He is the Founder and Chairman of BNI, the world's largest business networking organization. His newest book, Networking Like a Pro, can be viewed at http://www.ivanmisner.com/. Dr. Misner is also the Sr. Partner for the Referral Institute, an international referral training company.


For more information, please visit Ivan's TNNW Bio.

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NETWORK LIKE A PRO: Fishing for Referrals

BLUE THING #1: TNNW Surveys, Analyses and Findings

Blue Thing #1: TNNW Surveys, Analyses and Findings/ Market Research.

Why? Because people are absolutely obsessed with what other people are thinking.

Why? Because feedback helps us to refine our strategies and change our trajectories.

Why? Because The National Networker Companies want you and your business to know your client audience and to constantly monitor changes in their attitudes, buying habits and needs.

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Take TNNW SURVEY #6

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TNNW Survey #6: Take Your Own Personal "Human Asset Value" Inventory.

You bring your automobile in for an inspection to determine if it needs repairs. You check your investment portfolio to see how well your assets are performing. You review your bank statement to be certain that you can cover your bills. You appraise your property. You prepare balance sheets for your businesses. Comment: It might be a good idea to take a Personal Asset Value Inventory -- a self-appraisal -- from time to time. Start today. Invest a bit of time in taking an honest look at yourself...strong points, weak points, all points. What you reveal to yourself in this exercise might help you to make some refinements, and to better plan for a happier, more fulfilling and prosperous future.

We have not assigned "weights" or "priorities" to any factors, and there is no grading. Once the results are in, we will conduct another survey to assign weights to the various factors, so that you will have a means of rating yourself in comparison to others. But for the moment, your answers to the survey will just provide you with some food for thought...and thinking is good exercise; the more you use your mind, the stronger it becomes.

You'll be glad that you made this self-investment. And we at THE NATIONAL NETWORKER COMPANIES thank you for your participation. Now let's get on with the collaborative process of helping each other to be more successful.

It is self-evaluation time. We must do this before we can evaluate others effectively.

Please be advised that the survey contains 45 questions...so be prepared to dedicate some time to thinking about each question, and answer honestly -- never try to fool yourself.

Relax, focus and enjoy the adventure of self-discovery.

Faithfully,

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Note: This Survey #6 will be closing on April 15th at 12:00 am Eastern Time. out next week. After the Survey is closed and the results have been published, if you have some of your own additional self-assessment tools or criteria to share and you would like to include them in a follow-up to the Survey, please write to us at http://bit.ly/contactTNNW , being sure to include the words “Survey #6 Suggestion” in the subject line of your correspondence. If you would like, we will give you credit for your suggested question right in the Survey itself, and when the results are published – just let us know if you’d like to be listed as a Contributor in your letter to us.

If you’d like , join The National Networker Companies for free at http://bit.ly/JoinTNNW .

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BLUE THING #1: TNNW Surveys, Analyses and Findings

BLUE THING #9: This Week's Top Buzzed Items and Terms

New! We've added a new feature at the bottom of this blue quadrilateral of vast wisdom -- it is a Word Cloud (produced for us by TNNW Blogworks using an algorithm developed by Tag Crowd) of this morning's most frequently occuring terms in Google Search Results. Have a go at it! The larger and bolder the word displayed, the more frequently it came back as a part of search results. Science meets art. How appealing!

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*Better grab this gadget soon for mounting on your blog, website, newsletter, homepage, social media profile, twitterfeed, refrigerator, cinderblock and your bathroom mirror (use duct tape, as it withstands the humidity). Why? You need news. We have it all. And...after some date (as yet unannounced), you will no longer be able to grab this gadget; you'll have to go directly to the page. It's not funny. Do it. Don't just blow us off as idiosyncratic, uncultivated clowns - this PICKER is POWERFUL.

Think about this: 20 minutes each day to be the smartest person in any meeting (or at least seem like it). You cannot compete in any business pursuit where you interact with other people unless you sound intelligent and informed. Give yourself the edge.

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Here's our Tag Cloud for today based upon the most frequently occuring words in Google Search Results. We limited our cloud to only the top 50 words.

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BLUE THING #8: Great Websites and Blogs to Explore

HAVE A LOOK AT THESE INTERESTING WEBSITES AND BLOGS!

BUT FIRST, our most popular and best-known services are up and live. Yes...they're alive! BUZZWORKS! Visit at http://tnnwc-tnnwbuzzworks.blogspot.com/ . BLOGWORKS! Visit at http://tnnwc-tnnwblogworks.blogspot.com/

http://www.inudge.net/index.en.html
http://eastvillagekitchen.com/2009/12/11/meringue-mushrooms/
http://www.singinst.org/overview/whatisthesingularity/
http://www.maniacworld.com/white-blood-cell-chases-bacteria.html
http://www.chessandpoker.com/rubiks-cube-solution.html
http://www.mentalhealth.com/
http://www.dilbert.com/comics/dilbert/
http://dogfeathers.com/java/spirals.html
http://fp.enter.net/~rburk/copycat/copycat.htm
http://hplusmagazine.com/articles/robotics/cyborg-exoskeletons-may-soon-become-common-bicycles
http://www.drugwatch.com
http://TheInternationalistPage.blogspot.com
http://Braintenance.blogspot.com/
http://TheGlobalFuturist.blogspot.com

NOTE: Sites are selected based upon merit by an unbiased* panel of judges. Regrettably, we cannot accept payment for the placement of your site here. Darn.

*At least in their own opinion.

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BLUE THING #8: Great Websites and Blogs to Explore