Sunday, July 06, 2008

Important Characteristics of a Relationship mindset - Strategy two

"Beyond Networking" Being with Ron Sukenick

Ron's section is sponsored by SmallBizAmerica.com

From the book – The Power is in the Connection

Everywhere I go people often ask what the important characteristics of a relationship mindset are.

And after careful thought, I decided to tell people. After you review, if you have some additional thoughts please be sure to email me at the address below.

Enjoy!

Important characteristics of a relationship mindset:

ATTENTIVE: You pay attention to the relational needs and respond accordingly. From dressing for the proper occasion to listening three times as much, you attend to what is necessary in the moment.

RESPONSIVENESS: Provides prompt response or communicates challenges and or delays in a timely manner.

ASSURANCE: Demonstrate your expertise, and communicate areas where you are not an expert. Identify and or recommend other experts when needed to help you to deliver the quality product or service.

EMPATHY: Listening to the needs, emotions, and challenges and finding understanding within you of the other person’s perspective and situation.

DISCERNMENT: Choose actions based on your ability to determine and distinguish that which is “right” or appropriate based on all the factors at hand. The ability to sort through many variables to grasp and comprehend what is not readily obvious or visible.

Interact with VULNERABILITY and appropriate DISCLOSURE.

Demonstrate INTERPERSONAL skills that foster acceptance and partnership.

CONTINUOUS LEARNING by attending workshops, seminars, discussion groups to IMPROVE skills and SELF PERFORMANCE; always learning.

FOCUSED on HELPING others and receiving help.

Provide GUIDANCE to others

SHARE knowledge eagerly.

Make REFERRALS with no intention of personal rewards back to you.

Keep in mind the following:

From my personal experience and my work in relationship coaching, it has become very clear that our characteristics are constantly changing in interaction with one other person. To illustrate this, I am using Human Cells as a metaphor to illustrate character traits. A cell is the simplest unit of living matter working together with trillions of other cells in an organized manner for the benefit of the total being.

Like human cells, all of the diverse characteristics that make up one human being are beyond comprehension. Like cells that participate in who we are physiologically, our characteristics also participate together to make up how we show up in relationship! The composition and number of cells constantly change as cells fall off and new ones are created. The same is true for character traits. They constantly change or fall away in relationship to another person, situation, and the environment.

It is the intention of this strategy to help you think about character traits that work together in an organized manner for the benefit of the relationship; become aware of characteristics that are not helpful to the relationship, and those that are.

This is what this illustration points to. What are your characteristics? Good or bad, uncovering these traits will help you see yourself better. Many of these characteristics are hidden. You heighten your awareness of them in relationship. When a relationship is trending negatively, when you are triggered, when you feel competitive with another, when you are told you are not trusted, or when you do not trust another—these are opportunities to discover hidden character traits. It is up to you to develop your ability to bring to light character traits that are surfacing.

Like human cells that fall off, the death of a character trait may occur when you find you no longer need it. Perhaps in the past, you have valued competitiveness as a character trait. While there is nothing wrong with healthy competition, you may be finding that the competitive trait is not useful to you if you are truly working toward the benefit of another or the mutual benefit of the relationship. Perhaps you are finding that there is a character trait that you do not possess that would be beneficial to the relationship. What is it? Simply heightening your awareness of this character trait may help you form or bring it forward.

If you are forming a relationship or partnership only for financial gain and your own personal success, it will be very challenging for you to obtain relationship success and impossible to reach a mutual outcome.

Saying this from another angle--some experts on character might tell you what characteristics you “should” possess. The objective here is to help you amplify your existing characteristics and help you simply see yourself better in relationship. Think about a relationship that is not working so well right now. What character traits are surfacing for you in relationship with this person? Now, think about a relationship that is working very well. What character traits are surfacing for you in relationship with this person? This ongoing stepping back, and observing or witnessing yourself in relationship, will heighten your awareness of self and help you mindfully choose the character trait or traits most beneficial to the relationship. And, will help you to do your personal work as you watch patterns of behavior or traits over time that get in the way of relationship.

Identify relationships that would be better served if you intentionally brought different traits into the relationship. As you reflect on this strategy, what action steps will you take to further your understanding of your character and apply traits to a specific relationship?

Ron Sukenick is the Chief Relationship Officer and founder of the Relationship Strategies Institute, a training and Relationship development company that provides innovative, effective and relevant programs and systems for corporations, organizations, and associations. To learn more about the value of Relationship Development, visit his Web site at www.Ronsukenick.com . You can reach Ron by phone at: 317-216-8210, or by email.