Mastering the Membership Maze with Glen Gould
Talk about uncomfortable. Not long ago I was at a networking event and found myself in one of those conversations I wanted out of! You know what I mean, you meet someone and you immediately know that you have nothing in common; all you want to do is move on. But how? What should you do when you find yourself in a conversation you want out of?
After years of experience I can tell you some of the things that don't work.
Don't let your eyes wander away from your conversation partner – you'll get caught by the person you're supposed to be talking to – how embarrassing!
Don't make up a lame excuse – you'll likely say something silly like "I've got to go to the bathroom." Really? This is like asking permission in grade school.
Don't say you're looking for someone else – you might as well say, "hey, you're not very important and I'm looking for someone who is." Ouch!
And of course there's the classic "dump off". You know, you want out of the conversation so you introduce the person to anyone nearby. Would you want that to happen to you?
Of course there are hundreds of other faux pas, but only one correct way. It's incredibly simple yet so rarely used. Here's the script:
"It was nice meeting you." If you've met them before, "It was nice seeing you again." That's it. Shake hands and walk away. Simple right? So why don't we use this technique?
We mistakenly assume we owe others an explanation for our actions. While there are times when this is true, we owe no one an explanation for our style of mingling at a networking event. It comes from our desire to be liked, to be treated fairly, and to please others. We think we owe the person we've meet enough attention to make them feel validated.
But staying in a conversation with another just because we think we should doesn't help anyone. It actually hurts. If you tie someone up in a meaningless conversation they loose the opportunity to engage in a conversation of meaning with someone else.
Just walk away. Say, "It was nice seeing you." It works every time. But beware of your desire to let someone down gently. Don't add anything to the script. You'll be tempted to say, "Maybe we can get together sometime." That just adds expectations that you aren't wanting. Keep it simple. "It was nice meeting you."
An engaging platform speaker and author of four books, Glen Gould is a business growth and relationship specialist who understands business people and how they connect. He helps entrepreneurs and entrepreneurial-minded organizations leverage relationships to
create amazing results.
Glen Gould has worked with Fortune 500 corporations including Allstate, Walmart, Target, Kroger, Kmart, Albertsons, and Publix as well as thousands of small and mid- sized firms. Additionally, Glen works with chambers of commerce and associations throughout the world to help them grow and retain their membership.
Glen Gould
770-435-0781
www.InspirationAgents.com
Inspiring Positive Change
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www.AtlantaCommunityBreakfast.comInspiring Positive Change
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Powerful Networking Tools
Bringing business people together to discuss faith and values in the workplace
For more information, please visit Glen's TNNW Bio.
For more information, please visit Glen's TNNW Bio.
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5 comments:
Dear Glen,
I have followed your tips and articles and can safely say that I have benefited from your wisdom.
I agree with what you mention above- it makes sense to not walk away with a lame excuse, you put yourself down, and it doesn't help the other person either. However, I'd also think walking away just like that beats the concept of "procedural justice".
I also recall reading one of Robert Cialdini's famous experiments where he mentions people dont care about the reason offered but the fact that there was is some reason offered and give in to your request, as against when you just ask i'd like to do this, and leaves the other person wondering.
Spot on advice Glen. I always ask people how they end a phone call...we don't make excuses we just say 'nice to speak to you' and end it.
Tone of voice, a firm handshake and eye contact are all key in this simple, yet effective, way to close a conversation.
Simples as Alexandr would say and so true.
Great post Glen, I tried different ways to end a conversation and I have to admit the one you suggested seems the most straight forward. I'll surely try it next time!
This is all very well - but a bit rude for us Brits.
If I'm really that bored, then this person is just not for me ... so I listen instead for clues to whom he 'does' need to meet, and introduce him with real enthusiasm to that contact once I've sussed it.
Much less crass (sorry!) than just dumping him and leaving him feeling selfconscious about approaching the next potentially-rude person. To me, that's not the spirit of networking at all!
However I do agree with you that we're too hung up on giving explanations. I just think substituting a different kind of networking support is a better 'out' than saying goodbye and walking away. You're nore likely to win a 'that's a helpful person' referral as a result...
Fiona Cowan
@Fiona_Wordsbird
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