SOUTH AFRICA: Making Connections and Building Your Relationships in Diverse Cultures: Start with Names

By Karl Smith, South Africa Bureau Chief

I am an avid scholar of Dale Carnegie, the father of “people skills” teaching. He points out that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Recently, I had a meeting at a business centre in Cape Town and I met a pleasant lady, named Coco. Now I have been socialized into the Western culture and word “Coco” to me is (and will be) simply a sound, unless I make a deliberate effort to add meaning to that sound. I have a sincere habit of asking people for the meaning and history of their names e.g. “Coco, how do you pronounce your name and what does in mean?” Coco taught me how to pronounce her name, she said that her name means “perfection” and it is a “Xhosa” name. I told Coco, that my name is “Karl” “Karl with a K” “Karl” as in “Karl Marx”. I further explained to her that I am the eldest grandson and therefore inherited my grandfathers’ name in terms of the practice during that time. Coco and I had a lovely discussion for almost two minutes and by then we had certain level of rapport before I moved to the “What brings you here?” question.

Something as simple as a name, has the potential for fostering strong relationships, uniting or alienating people. As Africans (and indeed as a diverse global community) we must make a concerted effort to remember (and correctly pronounce) the names of people. We need a name learning culture for strong internal networking in companies and for the diverse contacts who we meet at business networking events. A greater understanding of how and why people are named, and the relevance of names, may assist in improving respect and thereby relationships.


People from European ancestry generally select names for their children from lists of names, currently popular names, family names or after friends. Often the names of currently famous people are chosen for the new-born, for example soccer supporters may choose David - for David Beckham. Other more "New Age" families may choose names from nature, such as "Storm" or "Sky". Names often have deeper meanings, Brian means "the Brave" and Liam comes from William, which in turn comes from the German "Wilhelm" - meaning "unwavering protector”. In the Muslim community names are mostly chosen for religious relevance and/or deeper meanings. Hindu surnames often indicate caste or profession although, in South Africa, a person’s caste no longer holds the same relevance as it does in India. Amongst Afrikaners, family names are often chosen.

African names, given by parents, have relevance to the prevailing circumstances within the family, the community or the country when that child is born. Many of these names have been in the family for centuries. We need to be mindful of the desire to ask for "an easier name". "Please give me a name that I can pronounce." When given a name that at first sounds difficult to the ear, an attempt may be made to shorten the name or in the past the person was asked for an "English" name. This went even further as many priests, when baptising a child, would give the child "an easier name". This was in addition to the chosen name given by the child’s parents. In Southern Africa these names were invariably English in English-speaking areas and Afrikaans, in Afrikaans-speaking areas. For instance one of my business associates is known as “Errol” and his other name is “Lindelani”.

It is important to be aware that it is not polite, or acceptable, in many African cultures, to greet a married person by his/her first name - be it and African or Western name. Generally it far more important to use that person’s surname or most important ancestor’s name. When I meet people I learn about their names as mentioned above and I then ask for their guidance to help me with future interaction. Karl: “Lindelani, how would you like me to address you in future when I contact you again?” Karl’s golden rule: Never assume – Always ask your conversation partner his or her preferred name.

Why don’t you ask someone today to share the meaning of his/her name with you? Our diverse names are fantastic conversation starters, provide us with a unique opportunity to have great small talk and we can learn a great deal about our conversation partners.


Karl is the owner of ExecuEdge Consulting- a successful consulting and business relationships training company. Visit www.execuedge.co.za to see Karl in action, see what Karl’s clients says, book Karl to speak or to do in-company training, attend a public event, subscribe to his newsletter or to use the free networking resources.

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SOUTH AFRICA: Making Connections and Building Your Relationships in Diverse Cultures: Start with Names