JetNetting with Heshie SegalIn Part VII of The First Impression Factor, you had the opportunity to assess your ability to make that all important positive first impression. How did you do? Have you recognized and implemented change in any area? If so, you will have surely seen some differences in “who you are being”. If not, and you are dubious about how to address specific challenges, you will, in the next part of this series, be given hints on making the most of each of the action items from the prior assessment. While it may take some practice, you will hone those skills until your actions become second nature.
In the next articles, we will focus on the part of the communication section dealing with the smile and eye contact. For a complete outline of all the communication skills, refer back to The First Impression Factor, Part VII. You will notice several of these categories being combined in future articles.
Before you even say a word, you already communicate with your body language . . . a smile, eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, and your posture. It’s all non-verbal, and to the surprise of some, it speaks louder than your words.
The Smile
The smile has its own universal language. It is the most powerful non-verbal tool we possess. It costs us nothing and it could cost us everything. It conveys a myriad of emotions without our uttering a word. It cheers the discouraged. It fosters good will in business. It makes us wealthy when we give or receive it and makes us impoverished when we withhold it or do not bestow it.
Smiling is a powerful cue that conveys warmth and friendliness. As a communication tool, it tells people you feel secure and have high self-esteem. If you smile frequently, you will be perceived as more likeable, warm, approachable, confident and non-threatening. True smiles are the result of something or someone pleasing you. They say, “I like it or I like you.” Because smiles are infectious, they make people feel good and that tends to make them be more receptive to listening to you.
If the smile is inappropriate, continuous or if it is used simply to please someone else, it will certainly appear as just that...insincere, you will not be taken seriously and will lose credibility. Avoid compulsive smiling. It is overkill and negative. Smirk and you take the risk of being perceived as sarcastic and negative.
True smiles are not usually very prolonged. In fact, the Long Smile might frequently be faked or forced. It can be distracting and invariably arouse a negative feeling . . . unless of course the situation is one that makes you genuinely happy.
How and when you smile has meaning:
Our smiles come in many sizes, shapes, widths, and with and without teeth showing, each used for a reason.
- The Simple Smile shows no teeth. It is used in passing another person or simply when you think of something pleasant; like smiling to yourself. When it is forced, it tends to indicate insincerity.
- The Upper Smile exposes the upper teeth. This smile is often used when greeting someone. Eye contact normally accompanies this type of smile.
- With the Broad Smile, both upper and lower teeth are visible. This smile is an indication of genuine interplay of good humor, jest, and belly laughter. No eye contact needs to accompany this laugh.
- Oblong Smiles, where the lips are drawn back fully, have no depth and are usually a forced indication of politeness.
- The Lip-In Smile is similar to the upper smile. In this case, the lower lip is pulled in between the teeth. It sometimes signals a feeling of subordination.
Your smile may be so big, so genuine, so loud when you laugh, there may not even be a need to make eye contact. And still remember, you must return to the eye contact because it is here that the real connection begins.
In Part IX, we will focus on that connection...the eye contact that can establish the trust and deepens rapport.
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