BEING THERE WHEN IT COUNTS: I Scratch Your Back -- Why Won’t You Scratch Mine?

Being There When It Counts with Rick Itzkowich

I received the following email today: “My LinkedIn account has grown tremendously with many high quality contacts. My challenge seems to be to convert all the people I know in the real and virtual world to sticky relationships of reciprocity. Folks always enjoy the referrals I give, but seem slow to comprehend the implied reciprocation or giver’s gain. I’d like to improve upon this aspect of developing relationships before doing so in an electronic media. Any suggestions?”

This brings up a key point many people struggle with: how to build relationship(s) with newly acquired contact(s). This is an important area that I have focused on for the past two years, and I’m pleased to say I have made a lot of progress.

I used to try to identify who were the right people for me to invest time and energy on to build my relationships. I found this strategy to be very difficult -- given the large number of people I meet on a regular basis. I also wanted to identify influential people, so I could focus on them. The problem is I soon found out many of the “self-proclaimed” influential people were quite self-centered and weren't particularly interested in developing a mutually beneficial relationship. I also discovered there were people who I hadn't initially considered to be influential -- who turned out to be quite the opposite, and indeed were influential.

So I flipped the paradigm. Instead of trying to identify the right people, I now let them do this step for themselves.

For example, I did a presentation yesterday where I met over 25 people. As a result six people contacted me within 48 hours. I will be focusing on building relationships with these six individuals. They have already indicated through their actions a desire to move forward and develop a connection with me. That's a great starting point!

I also have a very proactive approach and system for doing this. It works both online and offline. It is both time and cost-effective and yields consistent results. The biggest challenge in networking is making the second contact. What happens after we just meet? Once you bridge this gap between the first and third contacts, the rest is much easier. I will be sharing specifics on the system in a future article.

Relationships take time. I find that being willing to give before receiving is a great approach, provided that it is done with the right mindset. Giving with the expectation of receiving is not truly giving. It is a form of barter. I’m not saying barter is bad, or that it doesn’t work. But it’s not coming from a “give to gain” mentality.

For you to fully embrace this approach, you must look at aggregate results rather than focus on each individual. I will do what I can to provide value to those people in my network. The value may come back to me in the form information, resources, connections or referrals. Every time I do this, I'm building my Relationship Capital (RC) - a new form of currency. Whether a particular individual reciprocates or not, is not relevant to me. That’s why I choose to look at the collective or aggregate results of my network. I have received plenty of unexpected and great referrals from very unlikely sources. The way I choose to view these referrals are that they are my "reward" for having helped others. By taking this perspective, it keeps me focused on the “give to gain” mindset and prevents me from slipping into the "I scratch your back, you scratch mine syndrome.”

This month's QuoteAction is by a Tibetan Buddhist Monk

"The only source of abundance is generosity."


Your action is to be extra generous in your interactions. For instance, leave a more generous tip for your server than you typically do or be more generous with your time and attention to others.

Enjoy an Extraordinary Month!

Click *here* to find out more about QuoteActions and some of the other innovative products and services offered by THE NATIONAL NETWORKER.

As the creator of the QuoteActions, a unique relationship building system, Rick Itzkowich finds his articles, podcasts and blog messages regarding keeping your brand "top of mind" in high demand. His latest eBook, Social Networking for Business Profits, uses cost-effective follow up strategies. Rick is also the Co-founder and Vice President of Productive Learning & Leisure, a personal development training company for corporations and individuals. Rick can be reached at rick@productivelearning.com.


For more information, please visit Rick's TNNWC Bio.

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BEING THERE WHEN IT COUNTS: I Scratch Your Back -- Why Won’t You Scratch Mine?