Nightmares of Networking with "The Mad Genius"
Ahhhh, time for the Holidays, even if home is a drafty castle hidden in the mountains, a cross between Superman's Fortress of Solitude and Dr. Frankenstein's Castle. But with 55 inch plasma TV's and a genetic engineering lab that makes Stanford's look like a high school science experiment. A mascot should at least be able to move! What is a Cardinal going to do, fall on you!?
So you are looking very festive in that Grinch tie with the light up eyes. You must be kindred spirits, as your brain is two sizes too small. But I do appreciate the fruitcake, as it is more effective than lead in stopping radiation.
I assume that you are getting ready to go to your office soiree this evening? Good, it is an opportunity to interact with those that make you appear intelligent. Kingdom of the blind and all that.
A few pieces of advice before you start consuming the enhanced eggnog my young friend:
- Have a snack before you go to the party. This will help ensure that you do not over consume those cute little cocktail weenies or the filo dough wrapped cholesterol bombs, thus saving your waist line somewhat. Let the others pig out having fifths and sixths, you can take the time to interact with the Powers that Be in your office and impress them with your restraint and modicum of intelligence.
- Have a big glass of water before the party. This will help slake your thirst, thus slowing down your consumption of ethanol. Let the kids be sloppy and stupid, you need to keep your wits about you if you are to differentiate yourself from the rest of that herd. And alternate one Bacchus worshiping beverage with one totally plain, like soda with a stirrer, to give the illusion of consumption while minimizing intake. An open bar leads to open mouth, which generally allows entrance of an extremity.
- Remember our Golden Ratio? 2 ears, 2 eyes, 1 mouth. Use that proportion.
- Avoid controversy. Yes, it can be fun to throw firecrackers to see how people jump, but between the emotions of the season, the stress from end of year at the office, alcohol, and all the other things, it is probably better to be somewhat bland. The newer hires will provide enough entertainment.
- Remember the rule of being a performer: always leave them wanting more. Spend only enough time with any one person of authority above you to make them appreciate your wit and your evolution over the past year, but extricate yourself from the situation before you embarrass yourself. Maintain some mystery, so that they want to seek you out.
These may seem like simple ideas, and they are so that you can follow them even in the distractions that will surround you this season. Enjoy, but not too much. Or else I will have some great Networking Nightmare stories for next Yule.....
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