Nightmares of Networking with "The Mad Genius"
Ahh, my little Networkers, welcome back to the Mad Genius' Lab. No, don't touch that, unless you want to be reduced to an ectoplasmic slime more resembling strawberry jelly than human being. Good, now back away slowly, those things are only for grownups and those with intelligence greater than your average Muppet, which discounts you and most of the Red Sox Nation.
I am somewhat impressed that you have returned after your last Network Nightmare. I was fairly certain that your barely humanoid brain could not absorb the horror and simultaneously learn the lesson of the Golden Ratio. You have evolved to at least the level of a amoeba. Maybe after today's Nightmare you can start to use that prehensile appendage called a “thumb” for something other than texting when you should be listening to someone talk.
What is that you say, my little troglodyte? You wish to know more about The Mad Genius? How do I afford my nuclear accelerator and secret castle complete with a moat and sharks with laser beams? Let us just say that I do some consulting with some other unique individuals, people with powerful minds, unlike you. But that is a discussion for another day.
Take a look at the monitor. This is John. Pretty good looking guy, very preppy. Notice the popped collar: he has been hanging around Bahston Hahbah too long with his sail boat. And yes, those are Brooks Brothers: having the look and the looks, even with some intelligence, does not necessarily equate to having social skills. And even one bred in the blue blood tradition can be subject to making a mistake and turning down the long dark alley to a Networking Nightmare.
John is an engineer, like too many of our Nightmare victims. A Biomedical Engineer, who worked at Hahvahd when not hanging out on his sailboat. He is also the child of an engineer, so has the genetic inclination to have a synaptic disconnect between cranial and oral functions. The mouth opens before the rational brain gives input, leading to some highly entertaining moments. Highly entertaining to watch, if you are not involved that is. Remember the difference between a comedy and a tragedy: it is a comedy if it happens to you, it is a tragedy if it happens to me. John was highly comedic at times.
John was actually a good networker, for an engineer. Something about a one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind. As such Harvard often sent him to orthopedic conferences to gather information and vet out individuals, and his business partners (all PhD's in Biomedical Engineering or world renowned surgeons, so they can't balance a checkbook or tie their shoes but they can design, build, and implant life changing technologies.) made him the “face” of their start-up company. So John is at a conference and chatting up a CEO in a bar, and builds a decent rapport over a few hours and many malted hops beverages. There were large symbiotic possibilities for the two organizations, so the CEO (who closely resembled Rob Lowe's character in Wayne's World) agreed in principle to an alliance, subject to his CTO/co-founder's approval.
Next morning at nine-ish John is waiting in the exhibit hall with the CEO when a pretty outlandishly dressed individual walks in. His pants were high waters (not Nantucket Reds!) and had some sort of genetic engineering experiment on them. Or it was his breakfast. Either way, it was almost enough to get the secret government agents from Area 51 to quarantine them. And the lack of length on the pants revealed mismatched socks. With holes. But what really caught John's eye was the jacket.
Bright green. A cross between the Masters Jacket and the Lucky Charms leprechaun's outfit. Sort of shiny. With white shoes, straight out of a bad 1970's disco. Patent leather, shined to the point of looking like a Storm Trooper from the ankles down. The matching utility belt was included, and probably held a slide rule.
“Oh my god! Who the hell would wear something like that?!”
“John, that's my business partner.”
What sort of horrible things are going through your head at this moment my little networking Padwan? Horror? Shame? Dollar signs being flushed down the toilet at a rate that would make Washington envious? That maybe you should either shut up, or try to apologize and extricate yourself from the situation? What about John's response: “Well, it's obvious you don't dress him.”
Guess what two companies never did business together? Wrong! John had tapped into the CEO's unspoken body language and knew that he was less than thrilled with his partner's appearance. John also had the guts (or mental disconnect allowing him to speak the truth without a normal human filter, like a three year old does) to say what needed to be said, and that impressed the CEO. Instead of being scared of further offending, he went as far over the line as he could to make his point. And it worked. Maybe it was because of the mutual well accoutremented relationship or the breaking of alcoholic bread the night before, but the CEO and John had connected sufficiently for John to know that he would seal the deal or flame out with one statement. The Beau Brummel twins struck the deal.
John has since learned to keep his mouth relatively shut about how other people dress, even though it makes his blue blood curdle when brilliance is given too much fashion leeway. But with some guidance, that brilliance can be focused and be even more powerful. John's new business partner appears at conferences in a black suit with a fluorescent orange comic book tie that has the candlepower of an eighties hair metal band light show. With his back turned he looks like an extra in the Matrix, facing him is like looking into a surgical laser with its brightness and intensity, an apropos description of the man himself. And everyone remembers both the tie and the man for months afterwards: truly an effective use of differential visual marketing techniques. John just lets him for the most part be who and what he is, but helps to, ahem, influence the wardrobe choices a priori so as to not completely alienate the entire world with the CTO's almost satirical sartorial flair.
John was extremely lucky to escape this Networking Nightmare. You might not be, unless you learn how to extricate your lower appendages from your dental cavity. Do you have the mental and intestinal fortitude to accelerate to ramming speed when you make a mistake and start to fall into the darkness? If you are going to be in a train wreck, do you open the throttle all the way to at least make the explosion spectacular, and maybe be hurled beyond the carnage? Do you have the ability to ignore the common rules and jump through the small window of opportunity when it presents itself, or do you wait? The meek will inherit the earth, but only because the fast and smart have left it behind for them. And that is a Nightmare for another day...
For more secrets, you may visit the TNNW Bio of "The Mad Genius", if you dare.
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