SENDING SIGNALS: Inappropriate Conduct - A Wonderful Door-Opener and Networking Tool

Inappropriate Conduct - A Wonderful Door-Opener and Networking Tool!

Dear Readers:

We all too often default to conventional behavior in order to "fit in" with the crowd. We are socially conditioned to do this out of a need for acceptance, a desire to avoid humiliation or confrontation, and out a sense that surfing the status quo will eventually land us in the best social and financial position. All reasonable -- and all useless.

Traditional tactics yield traditional results. I might add here (in fact I will) that the traditional result is earning a subsistence living, worrying about finances and our fates in the hands of others, and a life of quiet desperation. We tend to conform to the point of inertia and ineffectiveness.

By way of observation, very few people take notice of a businessman in New York's busy Pennsylvania Station rushing about in a suit and tie, checking his wristwatch, his attache case swinging about -- but these same people will absolutely take notice of any person in the same crowded environment who (just for the purposes of example):

• Wears cellophane or apricot leather trousers;
• Sings Dwight Yoakum Songs (I like "Guitars and Cadillacs") or Morris Alpert's "Feelings" (I sing it in D minor, even through the original key is E minor) at the top of his lungs;
• Carries a boa constrictor, a small monkey, weasel, a marine iguana or a necklace of small human skulls around his/ her neck;
• Wears a big grin and says "howdy friend!" before handing each individual his business card which is adorned with big, bright letters;
• Whips out a harmonica and plays "The Star-Spangled Banner";
• Makes and maintains eye contact with a selected stranger, in silence;
• Blurts out in a stentorian voice, neck veins a-popping, "How can you let them get away with that?";
• Starts to stumble, and yells out in a squeaky, raspy voice, "I think I'm going to faint!";
• Looks up at the ceiling, mouth agape, points and says, "That's amazing."
• Hauls a big red wagon behind him with a large missile-shaped object labelled "RADIOACTIVE - FISSIONABLE MATERIAL" mounted on it;
• Wears a bright yellow T-shirt emblazoned with the words "Liberals for Limbaugh".

You may be thinking the above examples are outrageous...but that is precisely what makes them interesting and memorable. And, what's more (I am sounding like Ron Popeil), that is why I chose them.

When I have advised clients in the past about identifying and recruiting suitably-skilled executives for their companies, I have used the metaphor,"panning for a tiny nugget of gold in a stream of turd." Disgusting? Indeed. Memorable? Indeed.

I have been uncouth enough to say to a group of new acquaintances at a major networking event involving aircraft trading (when an executive from a company whose name rhymes with "rowing") was pontificating about some of his career achievements [started his career as a towel boy in the washroom, and worked his way up the ladder, etc., etc.], "Let's open a window and let some of this hot air out." I actually got a few laughs, heard a few sighs of relief, and made a terrific contact. My conduct was inappropriate -- and several of the fellows still talk about it. It is, reduced to simple economics, "risk versus reward." The best part is that the pontificator was completely oblivious, even after all but one of us had left to go to the buffet to grab some mini-pizzas and cocktail wienies.

By the term "inappropriate," I don't mean to be offensive per se... I truly mean to do something that takes you out of the background and puts you into the spotlight. Sometimes your chosen ploy may be humorous - other times, not.

In a meeting in my over-priced and ostentatious conference room of some years ago (the furniture polish bill, even back then, was at least as much as my current monthly car payments), I was introduced to some of the senior lending officers of a New York-based bank which was eager to make commercial real estate loans (years ago, banks used to lend money!), and wanted to be introduced to several of my clients. I asked the seniormost person (with a deadly serious expression), "When will present me with your financial statements? I have an obligation to my clients to be assured that your liquidity (net of reserves) will be adequate to serve their needs. They don't want to meet with a bank that doesn't have at least as strong a financial statement as they do."

My partner kicked me under the conference table, which only served to inspire me. I then said to my awe-struck audience, "Would you please be kind enough to answer my question? -- the rent in this place costs a fortune when you pay by the hour." I did business with those people for over ten years.

Once, I was at a United Nations-sponsored conference on doing business in one of the emerging African Nations, and I said to the somewhat restless-looking young woman seated next to me, "My legs are falling asleep. Would you like to take a walk out to the lobby for a few minutes? It took a moment of convincing her that it wasn't terribly impolite, and then we left. As it turned out, when we exchanged business cards, she was a Trade Minister. Not only did I make a great contact, but she laughed and thanked me for rescuing her from falling asleep in her seat. I had inadvertently done her a kindness.

Lastly, I was at a business networking event with a very large group of people in an opulent home in Alpine, New Jersey. There was a buffet being served, and as soon as the chafing dishes were uncovered, the Law of The Jungle seemed to possess these superficially-civilized (hyper-hyphenation!) people, and they stormed the table (reminding me of that book, "Lord Of The Flies") pushing and shoving like escapees from Alcatraz.

An elderly fellow sporting a bright red bowtie was trying, unsuccessfully, to make his way to the meat carving board. I was a bit angered by the way people kept pushing him aside, so I pushed into the line and declared, a bit forcefully, "Would several of you people be kind enough to let this gentleman get to the table, please?" I put my arm around him and brought him to the table. He was gracious and thanked me.

Later that evening, the hostess brought the fellow over to me and said that she wanted him to meet a "young man" (this was a bit after the the American Revolution) with a "great deal of promise". At the time, the young man was me. The gentlemen posed for a photograph with me, and introduced himself as Sam LeFrak -- at that time, he was one of the most successful builder-developers of real-estate in the Tri-State area.

Be inappropriate, within a reasonable tolerance. You will be noticed and remembered. Sometimes you will wind up being incredibly fortunate. Having said this, it's always good to be a powerful sprinter, just in case...

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle
http://aboutdouglascastle.blogspot.com/

p.s. Please note the photo in the upper right-hand corner. Can someone explain to me why a man as successful as Ringo Starr had to take this job?

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SENDING SIGNALS: Inappropriate Conduct - A Wonderful Door-Opener and Networking Tool